life: acoustic & amplified

who I was…who I am

Tonight I cry for that girl

The one who knew nothing at the start

She worked so hard to do it your way

She wanted it all, she wanted your heart

To make you happy, to make you love her

To understand why you wanted her to suffer

I cry for her innocence

Cry for her pain

Cry for her passion

Each of her losses

And all of her shame

Standing alone

Facing hurricanes

No shelter at all

From the wind or the rain

Yes tonight I cry for that girl

Today I laugh with that girl

The one who learned it all the hard way

She worked so damn hard

Choose hell to pay

Just to be happy

to know she was ok

Now she trusts who she is today

I laugh for her goodness

Laugh with her joy

Laugh for her passion

Share all of her gains

Know who she is

Standing alone

Singing her songs

In the eye of the hurricane

Yes today I laugh with that girl

❤️

Amy Lloyd

No longer ‘Aimless Eyes’

In 1984 an artist friend, who was quite a bit older than I, asked if she could paint my portrait. I had very few photos of myself (waaaaay before selfies!) and I was very flattered as I said an enthusiastic, ‘Yes!’

We took rolls of film as I posed and I somehow felt special and almost like a real model! Haha (I was 19 years old – going on 11).

I waited several months for my masterpiece and was so excited when she told me it was finished! I went with eager anticipation as she unveiled it for me…

It was a fairly large stretched canvas with my eyes only – the rest was just clouds. Somehow this was not what I had expected. It was a surreal moment and I felt off balance and disturbed by it. Seen in this way I had never been seen before. It was a ‘killing me softly’ moment. I was scared of it, my emptiness, my superficial nature exposed – I wanted to get away from the haunting nature of it…but, somehow, I couldn’t. It was an ‘I am’…on the bottom was painted the title of her creative vision of me….’Aimless Eyes’ (it still makes me cry 34 years later)

I was a dreamer. I knew nothing. I had no life experience. I lived in my daydreams of romance and beauty, which obviously had been seen by another for the first time, yet had also been interrupted as holding nothing of value. I wanted desperately to be beautiful, to be known, to be a good person, to be of value, to be seen, to be loved. I had none of those things in my life.

approximately 34 years later, a photographer friend took the photos above of my eyes looking at a natural heart found on her deck (#lovelettersonthepath) and one night later, last evening, the original artist friend who painted me so long ago, and who I haven’t seen for 34 years commented on one of my selfies with her original assessment…’Aimless Eyes’

It’s brought up a lot of memories, realizations, feelings of shame, feelings of being proud of who I am now…working through it all… thetappingsolution.com

This is what I know for sure…

My life is valuable

I am beloved

I am strong

I am courageous

I am trustworthy

I am enough

…

So are you!

…

My eyes keep searching to aim towards the hearts found all over the world who need love!

…

I am…

A – ME

https://youtu.be/kgl-VRdXr7I

walk with me tonight

houses and bones

are such temporary structures

always in the process of disintegration

always breaking

always wreckage

always rebuilding

always Phoenix’ rising

always ending

always beginning

always old becoming new

sticks and stones

rattling bones

evolution of God’s handiwork

continues creating

the grave, and salvage, yards

of this worlds turning

legacy’s ever changing

with the recorded numbers

within dna strands of humanity

within the changing addresses within our little black books

within us struggling to continue

to fight – to connect

to understand as things (and we) change

greenest chemistry and greenery engineering

hearts rebuilding into new, upgraded generations

forests of the same, yet different –

trees, mailboxes, phone numbers

(Im)proper comings and goings

all our future generations of peoples

carrying shapes of our past

noses, ears, voices, personalities

of the ones waiting behind the veiled clouds

of magnificent sunsets

double rainbows on a day of grey

I walk forward in the beauty of this nights changing moment

feeling the stretch of the eternal bridge

between time and eternity

between everything before and behind

as I stop for a moment to notice the mingled colors

of the purple and white pansies

teaching humanity how to get along

I have a break-through moment of clarity

concerning the nature of LOVE

my heart is in agreement with them

as I write these words

then turn my steps towards home

❤️

Amy Lloyd

I have done what was mine to do, now you must do yours.

– St Francis of Assisi

…even if the waters rise, and our people leave, and our prodigals don’t come home, and we fail ourselves and our hearts break, and the bottom falls out of everything, we who are the Jesus-thirsters, and the flame throwers, the EVEN IF people, we will rise, and we will run and we will persevere with fire in our bones, fueled by our thirst for living waters, right till we cross the finish line and fall down at the feet of our saving Jesus and say: You are mine and I am yours and hell will freeze over before my heart’s flame for you burns out.

We drink soul garbage that puts out our flame of faith every-time we obey our fears instead of obeying Christ.

…it’s no small thing, Lord, that You’d far rather

we knock on Your door with our worries & fears,

then let those worries & fears keep knocking on us.

So, yeah, we’re just here dropping it all off right here tonight:

all the pain of all the people we love, all the hopes for all the impossibles that we can’t even speak of, all the weight of all the worries that we can’t carry one step more. And You draw us close & You say it slow to steady us: “Don’t fret or worry… It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:6-7MSG

We may not be fearless

but we will be *strong*

and *courageous*

and *faithful*

because our *faith in You*

is greater than the fears in us.

And that might just be the best news we’ve heard:

lay all those fears & worries to rest in Him.

And all the Even if. People who could feel the flame of JEsus burning in their hearts said?

Amen.

Ann Voskamp ( dot com )

what you want?

there is no me stuck in the middle

if I move slow it’s because it’s my current pace of preference

after all that pushing up hill

gaining no ground

I refuse to kiss and tell

Im not a careless whisperer

though I am easy as Sunday Morning

and twice as nice as you’ve previously heard

these crows feet I’ve earned

by laughing in the face of it all

are my pride and glory

this current number is my favorite

raise your glass if you love your own face

there will be no disparaging of the word: Life

it is our gift

sand between my toes

stardust in my eyes

let’s get real

I mean really real

I want a love that will last

If you get what you ask for…

what would your supreme question be

????

think about them apples

come on get happy this very day

then come on up onto the stage

and sing it like you mean it

‘Oh Happy Day’

rockin’ along with the choir

there’s always room for one more

welcome to the show

you’re very welcome here

😘

Amy Lloyd

what will you reply?

The future showed up today

and invited me to tea

I was told to get myself ready

and leave my old dreams behind

I got dressed and off I went

cake was served with the tea

while I waited on the future,

wondering if I was ready or not

When the future finally showed

all I could see was a paintbrush as big as the sky

white bristles, black handled magic mojo making

moving gracefully along the ridge writing…

“We are co-creators of this happening

Get your brush and your pen, your drum

and your bell, your boots and your colors

and let’s get to work, the next line is yours…

so what is it that you will say with your life?”

I replied. I am ready.

🧡

Shiloh Sophia

My life is not tied up

in pretty blue bows

not many straight lines appear

on my map

to this place I stand

this place where I find myself today –

I’ve chosen to go off grid…hmmmm

well, maybe the truth is…

I found myself off grid

and after a while of wandering

I realized being off grid was the best gift!

So I began making difficult,

but purpose-filled choices

again and again to stay off grid!

I’ve skated thin ice and jumped with no net

over and over

despite my own stable-craving nature

these tough years teaching me so much

in solitary silence

I’ve learned that,

somehow….

In spite of…

the ground always holds my weight

the universe conspiring to help me

and so,

I live mostly on edges

where adventure steals

all the comforts of an easy chair existence

where there is no sinking into the clouded cover of…

‘safety’

when risking it all

in the danger zone of unconditional loving

takes everything you have

Every moment of being alive

it is complex living

it is big-picture purpose

it is loving the world enough to sacrifice pride

it is choosing to stay small and humble

does it matter?

does anything I do really matter?

(sometimes Im not sure)

But, then it comes down to this…

If anything at all matters –

then every tiny thing matters!

and so it goes

and so it goes

💞

Amy Lloyd

unrequited

BLESSING FOR UNREQUITED LOVE

A blessing on the eyes that do not see me as I wish.

A blessing to the ears that can never hear the far inward

footfall of my own shy heart. Blessings to the life

in you that will live without me, to the open door

that now and forever takes you away from me,

blessings to the path that you follow alone and blessings

to the path that awaits you, joining with another.

A blessing for the way you will not know me

in the years to come, and with it, a blind outstretched

blessing of my hands on anything or anyone

that cannot ever come to know me fully as I am,

and therefore, a blessing even, for the way I will

never fully know myself, above all, the deepest, kindest

wishes of my own hidden and untrammeled heart

for what you had to hide from me in you.

Let me be generous enough and large enough

and brave enough to say goodbye to you without understanding,

to let you go into your own understanding. May you always

be in the sweet central, hidden shadow

of my memory without needing to know who you were

when you first came, who you were when you stayed

and who you will become in your freedom now that

you are passed through my life and gone.

…

BLESSING FOR UNREQUITED LOVE

from the book

THE BELL AND THE BLACKBIRD

PUBLISHED

APRIL 2OTH 2018

© DAVID WHYTE AND MANY RIVER PRESS 2018

Somewhere in the in-between

I’ll meet you there.

Somewhere between the friends benches

and the Constable’s at the British art museum

Between unexpected Mondays

and snow storms of epic proportion.

Somewhere in the in-between

of stained-glass Tiffany windows

and those in the old, cold, beautiful church –

that’s where you’ll see me waiting.

Somewhere in the in-between,

on a street corner with our names intersecting,

on a spring day, before the flowers bloom,

or falling on my behind in a pile of snow, in the middle of winter,

laughing, and loving, weather of all sorts,

that’s where I’ll be hangin’ out, gettin’ rained on.

Somewhere in the in-between

of Louis’ Wonderful World,

Sam and Ruby singing the truth, Ain’t Love Somethin?

and Suzane Vega not allowing the wish for Caramel,

there’s where I’ll be.

That’s where I’ll always be,

waiting for an adventure with you.

Somewhere in the in-between

of stars, dust, lovers, Anam Cara – soul friend, kindness, beauty and truth,

Right there blazing glory, in the middle of the gray.

Yes, somewhere in between the in-between,

I’ll meet you right there,

my dearest, darling friend,

I’ll see you there,

Cause that’s where we always meet,

where we’ve always known each other.

Somewhere in the in-between

of heaven and earth.

⁃ Amy Lloyd

“To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight.” ~ E.E. Cummings

Long years after that shared pancake

hanging over the plate sides

that blurred minute when I stumbled

into the deep pool of your charm

both of you are now long gone

you alone linger like syrup on my hands

still sweet and sticky

still a bit aggravating

still not where I would like you to be

today’s view from my new friendless bench

is blue in all directions

except for those tantalizing steps leading straight into the water

all emerald green and wet slippery stone

enticingly inviting me to go down them looking for buried treasure

for the first time in years

I feel like I need a therapist

someone to help me sort things out

the lost causes of my eminent frailty

this new fatigue draining my cups bottom dregs

a resolute stubborn need to clear my throat dogging my days and nights

in spite of all suggested remedies

I wonder what I would do if you showed up somewhere, somehow

though I know you won’t, you’re much too much of a coward for that,

my superficial friend

I hope I would be strong enough to say, ‘no, thank you anyways’

and, even in my doubt of my own strength and my sadness of your choices,

I’m glad you walked away

I truly hope you’ll find some joy –

though I think, in some twisted way, your only joy comes from your inability to accept joy.

Oh how complicated and complex our humanity

how wounded we become

when we refuse to tell the truth to ourselves

when we decide someone else idea of what’s important for us

is how we will spend our own wild and precious

I pray I’ll never allow myself to fall into that trap

that waste of life

that destroyer of all goodness

love by any other offering

is not love at all

⁃ Amy Lloyd

I’m amazingly talented at daydreaming

It’s one of my gifts

I love to nap and I’m quite skilled at it

my bed kidnaps me quite regularly

I’m best friends with lots of benches

as well as, large rocks along my hiking trails

Water and I have a special bond

hot water is one of the very best gifts in life

I thought you were my friend

I refuse to be your fantasy girl

Loyalty has various shades of meaning to different people

Commitment is a tricky wicket of self entrapment

or ultimate freedom depending on your perspective

Today I said goodbye to the illusion that I could stay aloof to your charms

I turned around and walked the other direction

I was not offended by your lovely words, good looks and obvious sex appeal

just clear on the facts

of what we both want in the long run

– Amy Lloyd

collaboration

Let’s be nothing

You and I

let’s stand together

Souls naked

skin removed

all of our bones mixed together

building a sheltering pagoda

take me into you

I will do the same

We will become fog

rise to melt into our days as mist

You will become me

I will become you

as our hearts become one

fading into nothing for eternity

flying as everything for all the days thereafter

💞

Amy Lloyd

Lost am I

in her truth and beauty,

in the eyes of my muse

I am wonderfully

enriched,

like sitting on

the beach at night,

swimming in the

milky way,

I want calm

like an astronaut

in the space station,

wrting a tsunami

of poetry,

I want to make my world

more beautiful each day.

❤️

– JDJames

https://youtu.be/6Pm3RiP-z4c

all things to enjoy

God has not forbidden us to love the world

And to love man and all his works,

To love it with all the naked senses together,

Every shape and colour, every voice and every sound.

There is a shudder in our blood when we see

The traces of his craftsman’s hands upon the world…

-Gwenallt (Welsh poet)

When I laugh I have no chakras.

The sun is my heart.

When I cry the moon comes down

to caress my forehead

but finds no lotus to kiss open.

Breathing the Beloved’s scent

clears my horoscope

of every planet and sign.

The astrologer is bewildered.

All he sees in me is an empty page

full of light.

Don’t give me any more of your

esoteric books.

Grace has made me too stupid

to understand.

_____

Fred LaMotte

In the end, she became

more than what she expected.

She became the journey,

and like all journeys,

she did not end,

she just simply

changed directions

and kept going.

-r.m. drake

living prayer

A prayer makes sense only if it is lived.

~ Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh

Make me an instrument of Your love

A living prayer in every way

Take me beyond myself

Into a life that only makes sense from the inside

Where the wasted things are precious

and messy grace is the new normal

Make me an instrument of Your love

Wings unfolding every day

Take me beyond the starry sky

Into a life that only makes sense through eternity

Where the soul is all that matters

and I see each moment outside of time

Make me an instrument of Your love

Warrior of the innocent, I do pray

Take me into the heart of the battle

Into a place where my love makes all the difference

Help me to not question the importance of my role

and to surrender my own will in order to share Your love this and every day

🙏🏻

Amy Lloyd

I pour my light into you. I guide you and do not leave you. I have good plans for your life. I love when you step toward Me to realize them.

There is discouragement along the way—and distraction, too. But I keep walking ahead, and I reach out my hand, and I do not forsake you. I do not abandon you.

The path is filled with rock that can cause you to stumble—and weeds that entangle and attempt to trip you up. But I clear the path, in the midst of difficulty and sometimes rocky roads.

I clear the path.

My voice in you, these whispers to your heart, my words a blade of truth that swipes away uncertainty and doubt. Walk in the way I’ve prepared for you, this way full of twists and turns and hills and valleys, deserts and lush mountain-scapes.

I’ve walked this path. I walk it with you. How could I leave you?

You were made for this—to be with Me, walking this path, the path we walk together. Faith is not knowing the details of what the future holds, but trusting Me to be with you in it.

So keep walking with Me, in faith, along the path I’ve prepared just for you. That is where you will cling to Me most tightly, where you will feel my gaze steadfast upon you, when I will hold you.

I never let you go.

-Loop devotional

perspective

I walk in clouds of messy grace

carry them with me wherever I go

I traverse the worlds of the dark and the light

allowing them both to be places I belong

Repeating the truth of Angels,

‘As above so below’

I jump in puddles of deep infinity splashing stardust with my feet of clay

I sail my ship into the driest desert full sails catching the fine winds of new understanding

I climb the highest mountains

to see all the beauty found above and below me

I lay in the green grass of home to respect the very stuff that I am made of

I drop for 45 minutes into the center of the earth

to allow my stubbornness to burn away

I search the seas at midnight to find one open heart like nine

I am the night ocean

mysterious life. sparkling light-forms

I am the stable earth

wings of birds. creepy creeping things

I am the rain forest

rarest orchid. poison-est frog.

I am the hottest desert

stickiest cacti. smallest grain of sand.

I am the heavens

guarded by angels. home of God.

I am the word

spoken. written. thought.

I am you

child. sibling. parent. friend.

as you are me

loving. lover. loved. beloved. love.

we are possibles

be-ings. unlimited. infinite. I am’s.

❤️

Amy Lloyd

The hastily assembled angel saw

One thing was like another thing and that

Thing like another everything     depend-

ed on     how high it was     the place you saw

Things from     and he had seen the Earth from where

A human couldn’t see the Earth     and could-

n’t tell most human things apart    and though

He hadn’t ever really understood

His job he knew it had to do with seeing

And what he saw     was everything would come

Together at the same time everything

Would fall apart     and that was humans thinking

The world was meant for them and other things

Were accidental     or were decora-

tions meant for them and therefore purposeful

That humans thought that God had told them so

And what the hastily assembled angel

Thought     was that probably God had said the same thing

To every living thing     on Earth and on-

ly stopped when one said Really back     but then

Again     the hastily assembled angel

Couldn’t tell human things apart     and maybe

That Really mattered what     would he have heard

Holy     or maybe Folly     or maybe Kill me

❤️

The Tree of Knowledge by Shane McCrae

Even among those of us

most needful

or on the edge

the angels of God

don’t really judge

whether we are good or bad,

they are not sent on any mission,

they just really like

to be with us.

__________________

Steve Garnaas-Holmes

Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

https://youtu.be/EPXPwRgV-NM

right now

for such a time as this

what if it all comes down to this moment in time

this arena you stand in right now

this opportunity straight ahead in the path

this pickle

this dilemma

this hot spot

this crisis

this…

just this…

this choice for you to take as it is

to find this moment enough

to rise strong in your glory

to be all that you can be

this very morning

🌝

Amy Lloyd

True happiness is to enjoy the present without anxious dependence on the future.

– Seneca