Grieving | life: acoustic & amplified

Archive for the category “Grieving”

04 Jul 2016

this spud’s for you

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.

/ Elie Wiesel

Pomme Frites

drizzled with truffle oil,

sprinkled with sea salt…

who can stop,

once you’ve tasted heaven?

Why have we been taught to protect our hearts?

to live without passion?

told that our sensitivity is a weakness,

not a gift?

We settle for what we consider control,

which is a sham,

an illusion of the most fragile,

arrogant tomfoolery.

We shut down,

become indifferent,

avoid the messy feelings,

shields holding our hearts at bay,

afraid of breaking,

in desperation, keeping grief out of our business,

allowing life, and love, to go limp and cold,

lying in the oily, paper-lined, basket,

no one wants to eat this.

What will it take to taste ourselves again?

to reach for another emotion,

and then another,

unable to resist,

as we do for another hot, crunchy, delicious french fry?

Only when we allow all of our emotions,

the full spectrum of our living,

pain and sorrow,

love and joy,

all felt passionately

within our living moments,

our numbered days,

can we become our true selves,

will we allow our highest and best to be revealed?

Only then, can we even begin to step into our lives,

our true hearts,

the love, which we truly deserve,

our humanity.

Once we have have been stripped of our need for perfection,

love begins,

once we get a taste of this,

we can’t stop reaching,

exploring the shadows,

and the light,

eating the good fruit of the ground,

opening further and further

to the mystery dug in this ground.

Only then can we begin to open into our own unique and precious gifts

Only then,are we finally ready to begin authentically sharing ourselves,

and our gifts,

with others.

🍟

let us never forget to make our days count and be aware that how we live, and what we leave behind us, matters.

Posted in action, Adventure, attitude, awareness, balance, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Choice, emotions, find art at pinterest, Freedom, Gratitude, Grieving, healing | Leave a comment

20 Jun 2016

nothing to hold

I am the watcher

I keep faith

I am here to observe

the passage

to be the extra set of questions

the guardian of the process

I cannot give you the will to live

I cannot bring happiness

I cannot set you free

I cannot influence the outcome

or your choices

I can only be the keeper of the light

I can only be the vessel of prayer

I can only carry hope in my heart

I can only move aside and allow love to flow through me

I can only stand with courage

I can only see you just as you are

I can only allow you to be your you-ness

I can only love and love and love

That’s what I am called to do

every place I go

😍

my heart hurts today

for the pain you suffer,

for the pain you inflict.

I feel great sorrow

for what you have chosen to accept.

for the manipulation you chose to live in.

sadness sits on me

like a heavy fog

as I drive

I wait.

I pray.

I pay,

the smarmy man,

with the weird goatee,

wearing the faded Jack Daniels t-shirt.

It’s all happening outside of myself,

even my drive home.

I walk a mile quickly

upon my return,

my angst,

mixing with my grief.

my tears haven’t stopped all morning.

I walk this beach,

so familiar,

yet always new.

I pick up rocks with cold, sandy gloves,

filling my pockets.

I stand while the gulls float,

so secure,

so assured,

so secure.

As I watch

peace finally descends,

fills me.

I let go of you…

of my disappointment…

of my desire….

This is never easy for me.

I fight letting go.

trusting is a ruthless business.

I choose to live ruthlessly.

I believe in it!

I’m a just small part of this masterpiece of life.

I acknowledge the blessed truth I know for sure:

I am uniquely loved!

beloved!

helped!

held!

Peace descends.

I walk home in the calm, cold, air.

I am never alone.

I will never be abandoned.

I am loved.

truly and always.

Amen.

🙏🏻

two jobs,

two stories,

two worlds even,

in one movement,

love and need and

nothing now or ever

to come between the two.

💞

– David Whyte

Posted in attitude, awareness, connection, courage, find art at pinterest, Freedom, Grieving, Letting Go, Love | Leave a comment

22 May 2016

gone fishing

There is sensual pleasure in a small act done well

My whole being loves how you cast that fishing rod

sight, sound, smell, touch, hearing all involved

observing,

absorbing,

thrilling;

It sticks with me and loops in my memory –

this beautiful dance of motion

playing again and again

the quick, sure whip of the rod,

the slow arc of the line against the blue sky before it breaks the water,

the vulture floating high in the blue and white, being themselves,

sure of their importance,

not questioning their beauty,

or the importance of their purpose,

the graceful, smooth winding of the reel,

the flash of the silver lure dancing below the surface of the green water

your patience as you teach me,

a very amature student –

all revealing a new layer of beauty,

I want to learn this rhythm,

my soul responds with deep desire,

I want to be a natural part of this world,

a silver flash,

a big blue sky.

🎣

Birds know north without looking.

Some fish have a line down their bodies

to sense electrical fields

or changes in water pressure.

Jumping spiders see ultraviolet.

Bees have a little compass of iron

and can read earth’s magnetic field.

And there’s a little silver thing in you

that listens to the Holy Spirit.

It’s really quiet, so you have to be quiet

to hear it listening, but it hears.

You don’t have to hear God;

just let the little silver thing in you

listen to the Spirit and speak

to the rest of your body.
__________________

Steve Garnaas-Holmes

Unfolding Light

http://www.unfoldinglight.net

* 4 middle Fish photos above were taken by Fisherman Dan @ Branford, CT

Posted in action, Adventure, attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, Change, Choice, commitment, connection, find art at pinterest, Gratitude, Grieving, inspiration, intimacy, Letting Go, Life, Love, Miracles, mystery, nature, Passion, Patience, Peace, Reality | Leave a comment

07 Apr 2016

pieces & parts

The teacher asks a question.

You know the answer,

you suspect

you are the only one in the classroom

who knows the answer,

because the person

in question is yourself,

and on that

you are the greatest living authority,

but you don’t raise your hand.

You raise the top of your desk

and take out an apple.

You look out the window.

You don’t raise your hand and there is

some essential beauty in your fingers,

which aren’t even drumming,

but lie

flat and peaceful.

🙏🏻

The Hand by Mary Ruefle

I try to clean up
pick up pieces of myself

from all over the frozen ground

Who knew hearts can turn into

Slivers of glass

dangerous to handle

Slice my fingers

I rub tears from my eyes

and find toxic rivers

Red flows

Staining all of life

Small killing shards everywhere

Thousands

Maybe millions

They stick to the inside of my chest

My throat

Puncture my lungs

Settle in my stomach

as I try to eat breakfast

It’s getting harder and harder to speak

To breathe

To stand

I fall face first into a pool

Of freezing water

The glass becomes ice

Eventually I crawl out of the water

but the ice remains

a solid block I live with

for 9 years

Containment my highest priority

Walking dead

until that box breaks open

I begin to grieve

and begin slowly melting

Fusing shattered pieces

absorbing them into

the fabric of my living

Im still working on it

Still looking for the fire of love

to refine the gold

Scars show the hearts broken places

for glimmers of light to shine through

As grieving does it’s healing work

And I become human

Once again

❤️

Posted in attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Change, Choice, connection, courage, Faith, find art at pinterest, Freedom, friendship, Grieving, Growth, healing, Letting Go, Life, Love | Leave a comment

26 Mar 2016

2…the space between

“For us women the spiritual life, in one way, is easier than for men. Only a certain temperament of man can surrender like we can surrender. And spiritual life is surrender. Bhai Sahib said, ‘Women are taken up through the path of love, for love is a feminine mystery.’ He said we women do not need many spiritual practices. We need only to renounce. Renounce what? Renounce the world. Complete renunciation, which is the most difficult thing for the woman, is necessary. I had to do it—to give everything away. Bhai Sahib said to me, “You cannot say to the Beloved, ‘Oh I love you, but this is mine, and so far and no further.'” You have to give everything away, including yourself, in complete surrender.”
💞

~ Irina Tweedie (20th century Russian Sufi mystic)

Yesterday, this poem (below) resurfaced. I wrote it a while ago, after a disappointment. It immediately spoke up and wanted to appear on the blog…I said, hmmmm, do I really want to go there in public? It kept saying, yes (and refusing to be ignored). OK. Surrender brings humility. Rejection beings a chance to learn new layers. Love, and life, require courage.

So, I am posting this poem for whoever it is for…

have you ever given,
or received,

a gift –

unwanted,

or misunderstood?
We’ve built a whole retail myth of love

from giving,

mostly,

unwanted gifts.

‘Re-gifting’ is a popular side effect

of things taken,

out of obligation,

by others who don’t want,

or think they need,

the present presented.
It’s a thing in relationships as well,

it takes two to tango.

If one person is wanting something,

the other is not able to understand,

or accept,

it just doesn’t work.
This week I experienced a return.

My greatest gift,

the gift of me,

held out to another.

My gift was not wanted,

so, eventually, I withdrew

this large, tall gift of

myself,

complete with all I have to bring to a relationship.

I wanted to share this with someone,

who I love,

but that person doesn’t want the same thing I want.

This gift of sharing all of the various shades, shapes and colors of our souls

in this amazing thing called life.
One of my lessons,

hardest learned –

you can’t give someone something,

if they don’t want it.
I have become mindfully committed to

not allowing a glimpse of possibility,

or potential,

to derail me from what I really want.
Never. never. never….

settle,

Never. never. never….

quit!
You can make lemonade from lemons,

but

you can’t make a silk purse

out of a sow’s ear.
This week I received blessed closure.

The final collapse of space held for another to enter

The invitation explored,

expired,

I moved into new, beautiful space.

No more allowing,

or trying to give myself

to someone who didn’t really want what I have to give.

It’s not wrong,

it’s just painful.
Unconditional love is free,

living and giving it

requires responsibility to living my highest and best

and requiring that in return.

I believe in it,

completely,

however,

it will cost you,

change you,

require much more than cheaper versions of love.

Not everyone can accept the responsibility of this gift,

which always requires the best of us,

the same in gift in return,

knowing its value,

tenderest of care,

thinking of the other,

stepping out of our ego,

into its vast ocean of mystery,

life changing grace.

This week I followed the gift full circle.
I woke up a bit sad,

truthfully, for both of us,

but new,

released from the wish of what was not to be.
I hope to be able to re-gift it soon,

to someone

who truly knows how to value it,

nurture it,

return it to me,

equally,

with the dream,

the vision,

of what could be,

if we build an ark of this love,

sail into the mystic

and invite the world

to the best party ever…

Water into wine,

has always been,

just the beginning of miracles!!!!!

❤️💔❤️

Posted in attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Choice, confidence, connection, courage, create, Encouragement, Faith, find art at pinterest, giving, grace, Grieving, Growth, healing, Hope, Letting Go, Life, Love, mystery, Reality | Leave a comment

21 Mar 2016

blinders off

IN A FAR OFF CORNER

In a far off corner of a wide wide world

lies the circumstance that faces another.
A circumstance so abject that life

never really begins. And then it

dies quietly, announced by

an unheard whisper.
And from our corner of this world,

safe and secure under bejeweled roofs,

we pay our cursory glance of sympathy.
We forget that all corners connect, and

that the experience of each life lives

within us all. Albeit in disguise.
And we miss the possibility hidden

in the circumstance of another.
The possibility that compassion might soften

the edges of our own uneven experience,

and that the simple act of togetherness

might liberate our disheartened lives.
There are no far off corners

in this wide wide world.
And there are no separate lives.

💔
Nic Askew

Home

I ride Greyhound

because it’s like being in a John Steinbeck novel. Next best thing is the laundromat. That’s where all people who would be on the bus if they had the money hang out. This is my crowd. Tonight there are cleaning people appalled at the stupidity of anyone who would put powder detergent into the clearly marked LIQUID ONLY slot. The couple by the vending machine are fondling each other. You’d think the orange walls and fluorescent lights would dampen that energy but it doesn’t seem to. It’s a singles scene here on Saturday nights. I confide to the fellow next to me that I suspect I am being taken in by the triple loader, maybe it doesn’t hold any more than the regular machines but I’m paying an extra fifty cents. I tell him this meaningfully holding handfuls of underwear. He claims the triple loader gives a better wash. I don’t ask why, just cruise over to the pop machine, aware that my selection may provide a subtle clue. I choose Wild Berry, head back to my clothes.

🌎

I Ride Greyhound by Ellie Schoenfeld

I spot one.

a coin laudro-mat

I feel blessed to be able to wash my clothes.

towels and unmentionables.

a small bag.

I walk into the familiar,

yet for a while now,

Blessedly Unfamiliar.

I remember the years of this in my life

my most missed luxury in all of life

was washing and drying clothes

at home.

So hard this part of life became.

So challenging and humbling.

$4.50 to wash

a quarter for 5 minutes to dry.

I struggle to adjust.

I hadn’t planned on this.

I don’t look the part today.

I have to ask questions to reacquaint myself with this system.

Here in the midst of

hard working-and-living men,

tired mothers and crying babies,

the immigrants and struggling,

These to whom I belong.

those who make their living

through making clean the dirty.
I stand and watch the circle go round

Hot tears stinging my eyes

I remember.

Those days.

Those tough-as-nails days.

Plunged from luxury to poverty

in a heartbeat-break of life.

So soon we forget…

So quickly we remember…

I watch the water rise –

I didn’t put in enough soap.

There are no suds.

I pray that hot water I chose

for those 2 extra, hard-earned quarters,

will do it’s work

and my clothes will smell good.

I will not prolong my stay –

or use more of my precious coins.
I pray each of our guardian-laundry angels

will bless each of us

doing laundry every day

in all types of conditions.

This would be pure luxury in parts of this world.

I pray for grace.

I pray to remember.

I pray to be grace.

I pray to be The Words of God to heal the broken.

I pray for grace.

I pray for the crying baby,

and the tired man,

whose current outfit could use a good washing itself.

I pray for the immigrant family,

quietly folding together,

speaking Spanish in hushed voices.

I pray for the fabulous girl at the dryers,

with the faux Burberry scarf flung jauntily over her shoulder,

I hope to carry myself with such flair and dignity.

We are all here –

Bearing the high cost,

and inconvenience,

of poverty in our society.
I pray as quiet tears run.

I stand in my washer’s corner hoping nobody sees my memories.

I blow my over-productive nose.

and give thanks for all things.

Especially that I have known these struggles.

That I know how this feels.

That I am part of this humanity.

Not separate

I am one with all God’s created people.

All seeking clean clothes,

washing machines

and hope.
The crying baby starts to laugh

I smile as well.

God is always good

I am always blessed –

If I am willing to see the blessings –

even if it takes years and years to see them.

🔘

Posted in Adventure, attitude, awareness, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Change, Choice, connection, courage, Encouragement, Faith, find art at pinterest, grace, Gratitude, Grieving, healing, home, inspiration, Letting Go, Life, Losing, Love, People, Poetry | Leave a comment

29 Feb 2016

extra special

An extra day —

Like the painting’s fifth cow, who looks out directly, straight toward you, from inside her black and white spots.

An extra day —

Accidental, surely: the made calendar stumbling over the real as a drunk trips over a threshold too low to see.

An extra day —

With a second cup of black coffee. A friendly but businesslike phone call. A mailed-back package. Some extra work, but not too much — just one day’s worth, exactly.

An extra day —

Not unlike the space between a door and its frame when one room is lit and another is not, and one changes into the other as a woman exchanges a scarf.

An extra day —

Extraordinarily like any other. And still there is some generosity to it, like a letter re-readable after its writer has died.

💌

February 29 by Jane Hirshfield

Posted in Adventure, art, attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, Beginning, Choice, commitment, confidence, connection, courage, dark, Death, determination, Encouragement, Faith, find art at pinterest, Grieving, Happy Holiday!, healing, home, Letting Go, Life, Losing, Love, Reflection, soul and spirit, strength, Trust, truth, Vulnerability, www.pinterest.com | Leave a comment

10 Feb 2016

what if feeling bad is an ok part of being human?

I wish I had a nickel for every stranger who has ever told me, I’ve lost all hope. This happens to me regularly and what surprises me most is my instant reaction which is always something along the lines of “I know that feeling so well” or “Me too.” It seems this is one of the most common, most human feelings we can have and one we aren’t “supposed” to have if we’re evolved, rational creatures. It seems it’s a pitiable feeling to have, requiring an intervention or precipitating an emergency, but what if it just is something we feel sometimes, that’s very painful, made more painful by the feeling we are not supposed to feel it and that we should never ever say it out loud. What if our long days, months, years even with this feeling are hollowing out necessary places in our hearts where we can feel, really feel, what we long for? Like respect? Tenderness? Acceptance? Love?

– Jen Lemen / facebook

http://hopefulworld.org

Posted in Adventure, attitude, awareness, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Choice, connection, courage, dark, Death, determination, do, Faith, find art at pinterest, Grieving, healing, Letting Go, Life, Love, Patience, People, Reality | Leave a comment

09 Feb 2016

doxology and dreams in the dark

When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness.
– Job 30:26

Smack dab in the middle of the fight

While I waited for right

my day turned to night
I thought I was fine

the good I would find

then early one morning I found I was blind
I lay on the ground

this dark hell I found

fluttering wings the only sound
I drank this dark brew

no way out but through

this darkness just grew and grew
Overtaking me, Helpless I turned

My hope was all burned

I could not choose what I thought I had earned
I lay in Your hand

in Your arc I did land

trusting the truth I had already found
Watching life pass

going ever so fast

oh how long will this dark, dark night last?
In spite of the fear

I am still here

I give thanks even through tears
I trust in Your plan

My life is just sand

I am a follower and not a just fan
and if I should die

The truth does not lie

The sun will still be here when I say goodbye

I trust in the way

I open and say

Come open the door today
So light come and hold me

Love come, grow boldly

Till every bush, and bud, flames holy

🌙

Posted in attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, beloved, Change, Choice, commitment, confidence, connection, create, dark, Death, find art at pinterest, forgiveness, Glory, Gospel, grace, Grieving, Letting Go, Life, Love, Miracles, Poetry, power, Purpose, Reality | Leave a comment

02 Feb 2016

together in a hopeful world

Yesterday there was a facebook post from Jen Lemen over at Hopeful World http://hopefulworld.org (she’s one of my most admired people on the planet) telling me that it was a half-way-between-solstice moment and she would be burning a fire in celebration and prayer. If anyone wanted to be part…just say ‘yes’ and she would bring us! I said, ‘Yes, please’ as quickly as I could type it!!!
And so, last night, while I was sleeping…Jen Lemen was doing something so amazing, I get chill bumps every time I think about it!!! She was holding me, and mine, in that space between.

Yes, there was INTENTION, there was fire, there was singing, there was celebrating and grieving, there was prayer for the world, for everyone who requested it…and, Holy Batman, Batman, there was prayer for ME and all I hold within and without me.
What a gift! Beauty and all she is! Powerful and humbling! Encouraging and valuing! I feel it all this morning and I say, Thank you, Jen! Thank you, more than I can say! I am so blessed by you and your work!! 💞

I woke up to these words from Jen this morning:

Writing blessings. Saying prayers. May you be happy and peaceful. May no harm come to you. May no difficulty come to you. May you be deeply blessed. May you take care of anyone and everything smaller and sweeter than you are. May you surrender your power to make space for a forgotten voice. May you notice the earth and how she moves and breathes. May you say yes when you’re called and stay quietly beside until the time is right. May you become love and be love and find love and hope for more love, when others say it doesn’t matter or all hope is gone. #pathofprayerandpleasure #urbanfamily #bliss #mysticlife #blessings #imbolc #brigid #celticspring

🙏🏻

– Jen Lemen @ Hopeful World

http://hopefulworld.org

The poet gives you a little stone to stand on,