life: acoustic & amplified

what about happiness

It is more onerous

than the rites of beauty

or housework, harder than love.

But you expect it of me casually,

the way you expect the sun

to come up, not in spite of rain

or clouds but because of them.

And so I smile, as if my own fidelity

to sadness were a hidden vice—

that downward tug on my mouth,

my old suspicion that health

and love are brief irrelevancies,

no more than laughter in the warm dark

strangled at dawn.

Happiness. I try to hoist it

on my narrow shoulders again—

a knapsack heavy with gold coins.

I stumble around the house,

bump into things.

Only Midas himself

would understand.

Linda Pastan, “The Obligation to be Happy

There are monks who sing

for the laity—May you be happy,

and today I sing it, too,

though I have not been

anointed and have no special

sway, but I stitch my song

into the morning’s ferocious wind

and send it everywhere,

May you be well.

The wind rips the words

from my lips. I sing them

again. This is all

we have in this world,

the way we choose

to meet it.

~ Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

I only began to relax into wholeness when I learned to embrace the impure along with the pure, seeing that they are both made of exactly the same energy, just as the petal and thorn are pervaded by the same sap. This was the hardest lesson, and the easiest.

– Fred LaMotte

One of the lies would make it out that nothing

Ever presents itself before us twice.

Where would we be at last if that were so?

Our very life depends on everything’s

Recurring till we answer from within.

The thousandth time may prove the charm.

– Robert Frost, “Snow”

you rest…I’ll watch

Little birds

fly into clear windows

Stunned

Panting

They rest

Until they can fly

again

We, too, are

little birds

Fragile and, sometimes,

Stunned by life,

By the sheer pain

Of the brutal hits we take

Never expecting

Love to be so cruel

Can we stop?

Rest a while

Until we’re able to fly again?

It may be that the only way

To survive

Is to rest in the shade

While our angels

Protect us from predators

from Morning to night

Until we are strong enough

To, once again,

Spread our wings

To the sky

And fly

💞

Amy Lloyd

‘Fragile’

We are fragile. You and me.

Though we act strong,

our lives are

held together with

thoughts of where

we might be tomorrow.

And of disappointed

yesterdays.

At any moment we might shatter.

We might fall to our knees

weighed down by the terror

of being so far from

our own control.

Dare we look up, we’d not know

where to go or what to do.

We are fragile. You and me.

If we were to turn to each other,

we might see the whole world

on their knees.

Hurting, and seemingly

alone.

But none of us are.

We are fragile together.

+

Nic Askew

more here http://nicaskew.com

humble me

This world doesn’t improve by demanding perfection. It improves when we reach through our armor and touch another with tenderness. It improves when we bust through the walls of our conditioning, and try a new way of being on for size. It improves when we work through our unresolved shadow and share what little light we can find. It is the small, positive steps that we take when we are at war with ourselves that change the world.

– Jeff Brown

awe…

examination…

it keeps appearing

again…

I delete…

again…

I delete…

again…the same…

haven’t I already written this poem?

haven’t I already done that particular prompt?

What is left that I haven’t taken out…

haven’t examined properly?

There are always layers

As Shrek reminded me,

‘We are onion’…

layers…

illusions

shadows

truth left to excavate

even after we think we’re done

we’ll get walloped again

more healing to be won

new motivations to uncover

ever expanding mystery to be discovered

always more

and more

God keeps getting bigger

the more I examine myself

I reduce

as I open.

I hope to stay in this mode of self realization…

growth…

I keep singing, ‘humble me…’

reminders before me

my best self emerges within this process

send it again…

remind me again…

💞

Amy Lloyd

but first…

The clouds keep finding their way into the shape of hearts

Oh, those beauteous clouds, in that soul aching cinema-sky

I feast, like the country girl I am

morning and evening I offer my prayers as easy breath

I walk as gift in gift

I cleanse

I clear

I gather

I call

I calm

I glow

I glitter

I shine

I commemorate

I celebrate

I light fires

I hallelujah all over my day

I let go of the old

as I enter full into new territory

I sing it over and over,

It’s good to be alive

right about now (uh huh)

💞

Amy Lloyd

Top 10

There are always distractions

among the clover

Another fine place to stop and smell the roses

each day a discovery of new words

adventures in new worlds right outside our front doors

I stand beside this ocean listening to eternity flow

blending with the beauty of all these brilliant,

intelligent arguments inside my own head

reasoned scientific analysis within my own practical mind

dead-set against against the passionate classically romantic poet of some other-mystical dimensional me

I smile at each of these internal game-players

Intrigued by their genius

at their knowledge of how to win me over

How each have the ability to become the champion of this moment

How either can defeat me so completely and instantly

How each of them know how to hold the golden title belt

aloft over my unconscious

Today I wink at them,

I praise them for their wisdom –

then I tell them in no uncertain terms…

the competition is over…

we are now all on the same side

working together

as a new elite team of super heroes

Avenger-like, in some respects,

tho all our hiding of ourself,

our sparkly masks,

and colorful costumes,

are gone

we stand here

in the sand of this moment

barefoot and nearly naked

soaking up each others sin

breaking bread as friends

sharing our abundance with our seagull handlers

who tell us our new names

and give us the secret mission directives

Our Main Mission Top 10 are actually deceptively simple –

1. heal our own wounds.

2. smile from our eyes.

3. pay attention to the beauty.

4. share love with everyone.

5. enjoy the journey.

6. keep listening.

7. tell people everything we know.

8. work easy. play easy.

9. say ‘thank you’ for every little thing.

10. never stop the music.

💞

Amy Lloyd

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You musts let it find you.

by David Wagoner

There are those who pride themselves on being ‘activists,’ some believing that their actions are more significant than what other people do. But who can judge the value of an act?

The old Bulgarian cobbler – some say he is one of only seven Tzaddiks left on earth – sews a new sole to a grizzled boot. He is so present, and so deep in merry silence, he doesn’t realize that he stitches heaven to earth, allowing us to survive another day.

The pole star seems to rest in stillness all night. Yet it streaks at inconceivable speed through the heavens.

A tiny emerald moth alights on the lupine in a mountain meadow, folding its wings in repose. It’s faint pulse sends out a thread of causation that will finally bring a tempest to the other side of the planet.

The child falls and scrapes her knee. The mother who treats her wound, not only with ointment but with immeasurable tenderness, lightens the burden of all who suffer, though we never know quite why we sigh and sense such nameless elevation.

If you take – no, receive – a breath with infinite gratitude – for we are not capable of doing infinite works, but we are capable of being infinitely grateful – this breath may feel like the faintest caress on your breastbone. But can you be sure it isn’t a mighty wind from the Creator, sweeping the world, renewing mountains, forests, and rivers, restoring the Spirit to every heart that beats?

In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “Drink your tea slowly, as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves.”

⁃ Fred LaMotte

pick a flower…give a flower

https://youtu.be/Drw_LGvl1n0

every moment matters

Blessed Beltane- a celebration of the fire that cleanses, the spark that ignites our passion and purpose and ecstatic longing. I wrote this on Beltane many years ago:

The Moment Before

I want to touch the sharp taste of the moment in between, the second just before, the place where the breath catches in anticipation.

It’s the scent of heat held in the air between two mouths reaching for each other, hungry. The shine of moisture on slightly parted lips just before it melts into the wetness of the other.

It is the skin that tingles waiting, fine hairs at attention, reaching aching. It is the places that have not yet been touched but know they will be. It is the smooth, quivering paleness of the inner thigh as the outer is stroked and kneaded. The muscles of the abdomen tightening the back arching slightly, begging: come here, quickly, slowly.

There, in that moment, do not take your eyes from mine. I am here, awake, reaching to be met. Do not touch me and keep your soul out of your fingertips. Die into me or do not come into me at all. Ever after is in this moment happily or not.

Sacrifice the daydream. Dare to hold the desire for a great love. Be with me.

~Oriah “Mountain Dreamer” House

I hope that in the future they invent a small golden light that follows you everywhere and when something is about to end, it shines brightly so you know it’s about to end.

And if you’re never going to see someone again, it’ll shine brightly and both of you can be polite and say, “It was nice to have you in my life while I did, good luck with everything that happens after now.”

And maybe if you’re never going to eat at the same restaurant again, it’ll shine and you can order everything off the menu you’ve never tried. Maybe, if someone’s about to buy your car, the light will shine and you can take it for one last spin. Maybe, if you’re with a group of friends who’ll never be together again, all your lights will shine at the same time and you’ll know, and then you can hold each other and whisper, “This was so good. Oh my God, this was so good.”

~ I Wrote This For You by Iain S. Thomas

who I was…who I am

Tonight I cry for that girl

The one who knew nothing at the start

She worked so hard to do it your way

She wanted it all, she wanted your heart

To make you happy, to make you love her

To understand why you wanted her to suffer

I cry for her innocence

Cry for her pain

Cry for her passion

Each of her losses

And all of her shame

Standing alone

Facing hurricanes

No shelter at all

From the wind or the rain

Yes tonight I cry for that girl

Today I laugh with that girl

The one who learned it all the hard way

She worked so damn hard

Choose hell to pay

Just to be happy

to know she was ok

Now she trusts who she is today

I laugh for her goodness

Laugh with her joy

Laugh for her passion

Share all of her gains

Know who she is

Standing alone

Singing her songs

In the eye of the hurricane

Yes today I laugh with that girl

❤️

Amy Lloyd

No longer ‘Aimless Eyes’

In 1984 an artist friend, who was quite a bit older than I, asked if she could paint my portrait. I had very few photos of myself (waaaaay before selfies!) and I was very flattered as I said an enthusiastic, ‘Yes!’

We took rolls of film as I posed and I somehow felt special and almost like a real model! Haha (I was 19 years old – going on 11).

I waited several months for my masterpiece and was so excited when she told me it was finished! I went with eager anticipation as she unveiled it for me…

It was a fairly large stretched canvas with my eyes only – the rest was just clouds. Somehow this was not what I had expected. It was a surreal moment and I felt off balance and disturbed by it. Seen in this way I had never been seen before. It was a ‘killing me softly’ moment. I was scared of it, my emptiness, my superficial nature exposed – I wanted to get away from the haunting nature of it…but, somehow, I couldn’t. It was an ‘I am’…on the bottom was painted the title of her creative vision of me….’Aimless Eyes’ (it still makes me cry 34 years later)

I was a dreamer. I knew nothing. I had no life experience. I lived in my daydreams of romance and beauty, which obviously had been seen by another for the first time, yet had also been interrupted as holding nothing of value. I wanted desperately to be beautiful, to be known, to be a good person, to be of value, to be seen, to be loved. I had none of those things in my life.

approximately 34 years later, a photographer friend took the photos above of my eyes looking at a natural heart found on her deck (#lovelettersonthepath) and one night later, last evening, the original artist friend who painted me so long ago, and who I haven’t seen for 34 years commented on one of my selfies with her original assessment…’Aimless Eyes’

It’s brought up a lot of memories, realizations, feelings of shame, feelings of being proud of who I am now…working through it all… thetappingsolution.com

This is what I know for sure…

My life is valuable

I am beloved

I am strong

I am courageous

I am trustworthy

I am enough

…

So are you!

…

My eyes keep searching to aim towards the hearts found all over the world who need love!

…

I am…

A – ME

https://youtu.be/kgl-VRdXr7I

walk with me tonight

houses and bones

are such temporary structures

always in the process of disintegration

always breaking

always wreckage

always rebuilding

always Phoenix’ rising

always ending

always beginning

always old becoming new

sticks and stones

rattling bones

evolution of God’s handiwork

continues creating

the grave, and salvage, yards

of this worlds turning

legacy’s ever changing

with the recorded numbers

within dna strands of humanity

within the changing addresses within our little black books

within us struggling to continue

to fight – to connect

to understand as things (and we) change

greenest chemistry and greenery engineering

hearts rebuilding into new, upgraded generations

forests of the same, yet different –

trees, mailboxes, phone numbers

(Im)proper comings and goings

all our future generations of peoples

carrying shapes of our past

noses, ears, voices, personalities

of the ones waiting behind the veiled clouds

of magnificent sunsets

double rainbows on a day of grey

I walk forward in the beauty of this nights changing moment

feeling the stretch of the eternal bridge

between time and eternity

between everything before and behind

as I stop for a moment to notice the mingled colors

of the purple and white pansies

teaching humanity how to get along

I have a break-through moment of clarity

concerning the nature of LOVE

my heart is in agreement with them

as I write these words

then turn my steps towards home

❤️

Amy Lloyd

I have done what was mine to do, now you must do yours.

– St Francis of Assisi

…even if the waters rise, and our people leave, and our prodigals don’t come home, and we fail ourselves and our hearts break, and the bottom falls out of everything, we who are the Jesus-thirsters, and the flame throwers, the EVEN IF people, we will rise, and we will run and we will persevere with fire in our bones, fueled by our thirst for living waters, right till we cross the finish line and fall down at the feet of our saving Jesus and say: You are mine and I am yours and hell will freeze over before my heart’s flame for you burns out.

We drink soul garbage that puts out our flame of faith every-time we obey our fears instead of obeying Christ.

…it’s no small thing, Lord, that You’d far rather

we knock on Your door with our worries & fears,

then let those worries & fears keep knocking on us.

So, yeah, we’re just here dropping it all off right here tonight:

all the pain of all the people we love, all the hopes for all the impossibles that we can’t even speak of, all the weight of all the worries that we can’t carry one step more. And You draw us close & You say it slow to steady us: “Don’t fret or worry… It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” Philippians 4:6-7MSG

We may not be fearless

but we will be *strong*

and *courageous*

and *faithful*

because our *faith in You*

is greater than the fears in us.

And that might just be the best news we’ve heard:

lay all those fears & worries to rest in Him.

And all the Even if. People who could feel the flame of JEsus burning in their hearts said?

Amen.

Ann Voskamp ( dot com )

what you want?

there is no me stuck in the middle

if I move slow it’s because it’s my current pace of preference

after all that pushing up hill

gaining no ground

I refuse to kiss and tell

Im not a careless whisperer

though I am easy as Sunday Morning

and twice as nice as you’ve previously heard

these crows feet I’ve earned

by laughing in the face of it all

are my pride and glory

this current number is my favorite

raise your glass if you love your own face

there will be no disparaging of the word: Life

it is our gift

sand between my toes

stardust in my eyes

let’s get real

I mean really real

I want a love that will last

If you get what you ask for…

what would your supreme question be

????

think about them apples

come on get happy this very day

then come on up onto the stage

and sing it like you mean it

‘Oh Happy Day’

rockin’ along with the choir

there’s always room for one more

welcome to the show

you’re very welcome here

😘

Amy Lloyd