My strength did not come from lifting weights. My strength came from lifting myself up when I was knocked down.
– Bob Moore
If you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches in the woods, keep going. If there’s shouting after you, keep going. Don’t ever stop. Keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going. – Harriet Tubman
I woke with words from The Lord’s Prayer in my head. Over and over it came, in the form of a song, “Lead me not into temptation, deliver me from evil”. It is my prayer today…all day. I am writing it, thinking about it, studying why it is in my head. It is an exciting prayer for me and one which, I believe, is grounded in my years of making mistakes, walking through brokenness and learning to have faith in this mystery, the LOVE which is so much more than I will ever understand in this life.
As I was thinking about these words this morning, I remember my prayer, many years ago now, for God to give me a REAL faith. If I was going to embrace this whole thing, I wanted to experience it. I wanted to know for sure it was for me and about me. I began to ask, seek and knock on purpose, but it was always one of those things that was somewhat conditional – IF it didn’t bring me what I wanted – if I didn’t really know for sure, even a nibble of doubt, I would say, ‘There is no God.” and walk away for something better. Easy, right?
For 22 years I lived in that ‘testing’ period where God became so much more, where Christ became my partner in life and where the Spirit of God moved and poured grace over me, slowly moving me from where I was into a place where I could no longer stand on the sidelines. I went through some devastating years. HARD stuff, and through it all God was there. Over the years of struggle God became real, intimate, more than I could ever hope, dream or understand. So, in October of 2011, when God came to me and asked me to commit or walk away, there was only one way I could respond. Only one thing I could do. I could only fall on my humble face say,’ YES, Lord, I know You. I am Yours. Not my will, Yours be done.”
I no longer need to ask for my faith to be real. It is real. A guy asked me one time if I project I was writing was “faith-based” to which I replied, “everything about my living is faith-based”. There is no division in my life any more. Commitment means ALL in. 100%. If there is even a hang nail that is not committed, then there is no commitment. It took me many years to learn this, I hope others are not such slow learners. haha
Soooo, here I stand, all in, singing a new song, “lead me not into temptation, deliver me from evil. ooooo-o oooooo-o” and I say thank you, because I have received the promise that what I seek I will find, and I move through the day knowing grace is my path, because everything is grace.
and I read the words of those who encourage me to get back up when I fall, and the words of heroes like Harriet Tubman, “Keep Going. If you want freedom – keep going. Don’t ever stop!” and the daily words of Ann Voskamp, which always move me and break me open:
She wasn’t afraid of swimming in the deep end, way out of her comfort zone.
When you can’t touch bottom, you touch the depths of God.
– Ann Voskamp
http://www.aholyexperience.com/
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