thought to fill a void
I started on this journey many years ago and had no idea where it would lead me. I certainly never thought I would be where I am! I get multiple ‘inspirational’ type of emails daily. Many of them are from a Christian perspective, many are not. I truly believe they are all seeking to help me with their words, and they do in all different ways. Words are very powerful and st times I am inspired, helped, encouraged, filled with joy and laughter, entertained, discouraged, angered, saddened, broken and many other emotions as I read from all of these sources who are all so different. I love sharing all of these thoughts and perspectives and I soak it all up! I feel so blessed to be able to learn so much, and to be stretched out of my comfort zone, every day. To be able to share my own thoughts with others is a great blessing. I realize that my words may conjure up as many emotions, or more than those I have listed above!
I admire and respect everyone for who they are and what they believe. God as my helper, you will never hear me tell you that I have it all figured out! My goal is to make you think! I think about all the things I read and is seems, for the most part, they either give me a false positive – like I am a ‘goddess’, or a ‘diva’ – or they tell me I am a ‘sinner’ and ‘I stink’ with very little hope that it will ever get better. Ha What I have found to be true is a little different from either of these things, and to me, it makes all the difference to me.
My walk of faith has brought me to a place of confidence. When I did some research on ‘confidence’ a few weeks ago guess what came up? A whole bunch of people (some beautiful…some painfully not beautiful) showing their bodies. Why do we equate taking our clothes off to mean we have confidence? My confidence is not about what I look like, or my body image. It is not about being some sort of Wonder Woman who can save the world because I’m so awesome, but the exact opposite!
My confidence brings me to a place of rest, beauty and beloved-ness because of the love I have found in God. It is not about my struggling to be ‘Purpose-filled’ it is about me being enough. I have found I don’t HAVE to do anything! It is about me expressing my love from the place of who I am – just as I am – because I was created to be….me…just me! Amy Carol – beloved song of Christ. I am accepted, just as I am, and as I except that one precious fact, I begin to live the purpose for which I have been placed into this beautiful world – just at this moment – for such a time as this! It’s all about me (personal responsibility)…but it’s not at all about me (laying down my agenda for the light of God to shine through me)! Ha the amazing conundrum of grace!
This is what I believe. We are human. There is good and bad in each of us. We are all capable of wonderful, and/or terrifying, things. We are created beings – made from the dust. We are born and we die. We have been given freewill to choose what we will do with the ‘dash’ in between. The years we are given to enjoy between life and death matter very much. Every moment of every day we are faced with a multitude of choices – the choices we make are the deciding factors of who we become.
When Christ died for us – he did so because he loved us more than we can ever truly comprehend. God wanted more for us than that we would continue to live with the belief that we are only, always ‘sinners’. He gave us life abundantly. When he talks about the ‘narrow way’ and encourages us to choose it, he doesn’t say it leads to ‘heaven’, he says it leads to ‘LIFE’!!! We are here to live! To experience love, joy, peace, to shine, to enjoy. He binds up and heals our broken spirits so that we may overcome and so that we may KNOW – that we are beautiful, that we are beloved. We no longer need to fear death, or anything else that comes our way. We are no longer bound by our ‘sins’ – they are buried. They are gone! We are free!!!!
I am not suggesting we will never make mistakes. We are human – we do and we will! We need to be transparent with who we are – awareness! choice! openness! truth! love! These set us free! Our faults are many, but when we realize what has been done for us, who we truly are, what God wants for us – instead of hating ourselves, and concentrating on the ‘worm’ that I am, I must redirect all of my energy to celebrate the light which lives in me, and in all of us. I want it to blaze! I don’t allow the focus to dwell on me for any longer than I have to, because it might distract someone from that light in their own life! I move aside and allow God’s light shine so bright it draws people, not to me…who am I? I know that any good in me is all GOD! I want to show other people this light, which has done so much for me! Look, look to the light of the world!
When I REALLY KNOW that I am loved. I must realize, and want to give up, the selfishness of my unworthiness, because as I come into relationship, into true love and intimacy with God and Jesus, it can only be when I am at an equal place with them. I cannot have intimacy if I am not equal. I am a daughter of God, a lover of Christ! I live, give and receive as such! I become desperate for grace, and then I gradually am drawn to realize, as Henri Nouwen says, EVERYTHING is grace and I am overwhelmed by my glimpse of what is so much more than I could ever imagine!
In this season of Lent, may we do all of our remembering in the light of the joyful fact that Christ came to set us free – so that we would not ever be under the law, or stay in a place of judgment, but that we would truly be friends of God, near to His heart – beloved. The great mystery of faith is that we must give up and keep letting go of everything we think we know, in order to gain the whole world! And that is, truly, much more than amazing grace!
life: acoustic & amplified 