This time of year is so busy – the strange this is that it seems to me the energy I most feel when I am out and 
about is frenzied, desperate and afraid of not meeting expectations. There seem to be so many expectations for this holiday.
As an adult, for the past 25 years or so, Christmas has been a strange and complicated time for me. I won’t go into a lot of details, but, trust me – it has not been easy. I used to wish I could just have ‘normal’ Christmases like those I saw around me – with a Christmas tree, lots of holiday buying and ‘stuff’. I thought I wanted that same frantic spirit I felt in others. Every year I would look forward to the day when I would have the Christmas that I wanted, and keep the hope alive that it would come.
Well, this year I am having the most wonderful Christmas Season I have ever had as an adult – and guess what? It has nothing to do with having lots of money or buying super amounts of gifts, or by having a full schedule of too many things to do. This year every little thing is a gift. It is cool to me that Chris and I ‘accidentally’ bought the biggest Christmas tree ever! It didn’t look that big at Costco! ha It is probably 10 feet tall and so beautiful! I love drinking my coffee in the early morning with only God and the lighted tree for company. It is a very special Christmas.
This Christmas I am experiencing Mary, the Birth of Christ and ‘The Fullness of Time’ in so many ways in my life. It is very personal. I am humbled and so grateful. I am giving thanks for all that has brought me to this place. I am wrapping each moment as a gift and I am full of gratitude for reaching home. Little things for me have, and will continue to be, miracles! Giving thanks makes for the most beautiful life in every circumstance.
In 1990, desperate for happiness, I reached out to God and declared it. I wanted happiness, love, peace, joy and I was willing to do what ever it took to get it. I was changed forever by the words of Jesus in Matthew chapters 5-7, and I began this crazy adventure which has been marked by loss, pain, tears, and years of wandering. Yet each step has been sacred and holy as I have given it to God – this is a continual process. I choose the way of the cross every day, and, by God’s grace, I will continue to choose it every moment.
We have freewill – a spiritual relationship is just like any other physical relationship. We choose how much we put into it, and how successful it becomes. I have chosen to give my all. I have chosen to give thanks no matter where I find myself. I have worked hard to accept all life has brought to me and to learn from it. I have chosen to keep my heart open and to allow healing. I have recognized a greater purpose in everything I have experienced and have acknowledged the many miracles that have been at every turn. I have known that many people may have meant me evil, but God only wanted to bring me all good things. Psalm 37 has been my guide and I have LIVED my faith. God has been so faithful and I am blessed beyond what I ever even knew was possible.
I have believed that I would come to this place and … here I am!!! It is a real ‘wow’ time for me and I am so glad to be able to share it with everyone who will listen this year.
What is even more wonderful for me to know isthis:
this is not some secret just for me – it is for everyone! All you have to do is say ‘yes’!
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Free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. – C.S. Lewis
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