a blessing for u this night: Let nothing disturb thee, nothing affright thee; God never changeth! Patient endurance attaineth to all things; who God possesseth in nothing is wanting; alone God sufficeth.” I love u and God loves u most. ox.
I am so very, very blessed to have amazing God-given friends! They give me strength. So grateful ❤
I’m not a fan of pithy capitalized slogans presented as complete and helpful truths instead of mere titles. It’s not that “Live Your BIG Dreams” is an unworthy goal, (although I suspect dreams qualified as BIG in a extroverted consumer culture may not be in alignment with my values) but I always want to ask: What does that mean- look like, feel like, taste like- in one particular human life?
When my sons were small I was ill for many months. Mostly I laid on the living room carpet with these two wonderful beings in my care so I wouldn’t have far to fall and couldn’t drop anyone when I was momentarily dizzy. I didn’t need to Dream BIG. I need a bath and a twelve hour nap. I was overflowing with and soaked in love (and breast milk and spit-up and baby pee.) I needed to find ways to get groceries, do a load of laundry and calm my fears that I’d be incapacitated by illness and exhaustion forever.
Because I’ve been writing a book about choice, I’m particularly aware of how often “Choice” features in many popular slogans: Happiness Is A Choice; Love Is A Choice; Forgiveness Is A Choice; Gratitude Is A Choice. . . . the list is endless. Most often I want to ask: Is it? Is it in this moment for everyone? Is it always?
Now, I get the point of these snappy declarations- they’re trying to encourage us to make choices that result in and come from love and forgiveness and other good stuff. But even that gives them too much credit. They don’t say: “Making Choices That Cultivate Happiness Is (Often) An Option”- they say, “Happiness Is A Choice”- as if you could just give yourself a smack on the forehead and remember that you forgot to turn on the happiness faucet this morning. This is at best misleading and at worst a potential cause for increased suffering as it tempts us to believe that our or another’s unhappiness is actively and consciously “chosen” and therefore deserved.
In my work with individuals I often hear the “should” of inner and outer judgement planted by these sayings. People doing their best to deal with painful illnesses, trauma, and heart-breaking losses tell me again and again that they “should” be able to do better, be happier, to let go of fear, or sorrow and “get over” what is happening “faster.” It makes my heart ache to hear the coals of suffering heaped on top of what is often real pain.
Can we make choices that will cultivate fear or happiness?
Often, yes. And sometimes we’re swept along by pain, or grief, or fear, or unconscious material (which by definition isn’t accessible to choice until it is brought to consciousness.) Of course sometimes we can make choices- to do inner work, to be with those who support us, to ask for help, to take good care of ourselves- that will expand our ability to cultivate happiness, forgiveness and gratitude, make us more available to love. But the assertion that it’s just a matter of choosing to be a certain way can prompt us to shove experiences that don’t align with this assumption (our moments of feeling unhappy, unforgiving or ungrateful) into our unconscious where they shape and limit our choices without us even knowing it is happening.
It can be scary to simply sit with the fact that in any given moment real choices are shaped and sometimes limited by inner and outer conditions. Of course, conditions change- and we can actively choose to change or work toward changing many of them- and this can expand and deepen the real choices we have.
But, in the meantime (which is to say- while we’re still human beings) perhaps we could step away from pretending to know more than we can possibly know about another’s real available choices, can give each other and ourselves a little credit for doing the best we can with what we have to work with in this moment. In the next moment we may offer or be offered or make a choice that will give us or someone else more to work with, and we’ll do the best we can with that.
I’m just sayin’:
Not Pretending We Are In Complete & Conscious Control Of Absolutely EVERYTHING- Is A Choice!
Oriah (c) 2013
http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/
The Celtic understanding of friendship finds its inspiration in the sublime notion of the anam cara. Anam is the Gaelic word for soul; cara is the word for friend. This friendship is an act of recognition and belonging. When you have an anam cara, your friendship cuts across all convention and category. You are joined in an ancient and eternal way with the friend of your soul.
– John O’Donohue
“Only he who cries… is permitted to sing…” is what Bonhoeffer said.
Only those authentic enough to lament, are authentic enough to love.
When everything is stripped away and you have nothing left and in all your bare vulnerability, there is communion with God.
– Ann Voskamp
I am bare naked
Down to my bones
Even my comfortable skin is gone
I shiver as the cold blows through me
I have cried many tears
My song has been watered to full growth
Maturity does not come without cost
Yet it comes
as I struggle
in grief to lament
in disappointment to love
in silence to commune
in lessons to learn
in everything to choose
making the difficult choices
which bring integrity
that bring the song
that fills the coming of spring
with joy
and the whole world
With light and love
AL 2/18/13
the home of hospitality
is not always what we expect.
the heart of the host
not always easy.
the path of the pilgrim
not always smooth and straight.
a lot of angels
seem to be very scruffy.
the best pastures for the beloved sheep
quite often hard to get to.
the best of life
usually comes the hard way.
the heart of giving
has a dark side as well.
choosing the spiritual life
is not the easy way to go.
in this country of fast food
loud, business, greed
and instant everything.
silence, prayer, self discipline
and serving others
are still the way
to love, joy, peace
and true rich happiness.
AL 2/15/13
For every unexpected bump, turn, or squiggle on the path of life you pretty much have two choices:
Accept it as if you yourself had meticulously planned it and as if you’re being watched by 10,000 cheering angels who love you so much, you’re pretty much all they ever sing about.
Or, accept it, kicking and screaming, as if it were some freak accident or random mistake that had befallen you by chance.
I know which I would choose,
The Universe
Thoughts become things… choose the good ones!
http://www.tut.com
Just as millions of snowflakes pile up to
create a blanket of snow,
the “thank you’s” we say pile up and
fall gently upon one another until,
in our hearts and minds,
we are adrift in gratitude.
Daphne Rose Kingma
We give thanks to God and the Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ,
praying always for you.
Colossians 1:3
Maritta Terrell
Thoughts are also posted at:
http://thoughtsaday.blogspot.com/
When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
– Katherine Ponder
I would like to have engraved inside every wedding band,
“Be kind to one another.”
This is the Golden Rule of marriage and
the secret of making love last through the years.
– Randolph Ray
But the fruit of the Spirit is
Love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control;
against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23
Maritta Terrell
Thoughts are also posted at:
http://thoughtsaday.blogspot.com/
life: acoustic & amplified 