life: acoustic & amplified

poetry, quotes & thoughts about life

Archive for the category “dark”

breakthrough

I sit with the storm
watching the wind do what wind does,
visible-invisible work.
It howls through the roof tops,
blows leaves past the window.
It is quite the showoff this morning.
The gracious tree drips sorrow for me.
Thunder and lightening,
scare the dog into the bathroom,
but thrill me with their ferocity.
All morning it goes
as I work at my 4′ space
pausing occasionally, or more,
to watch the crying games.
Then suddenly,
into my concentration,
my writing lights up.
It’s dramatic, startling even.
I look up quickly
to see what has happened
and the storm is completely gone.
The sunlight has broken through the overcast sky.
The trees are drenched in golden glow,
leaves glistening like glowing emeralds.
It is so beautiful it takes my breath away.
I sit and stare for timeless time,
drinking it into my soul,
into my storehouse of these glory moments.
Then I go back to my work,
full of wonder and hope.
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AL 10/04/13

the highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do for anyone but inspire them? – Bob Dylan

aliveI realized a long time ago you can’t force anyone to do, or see, anything. The old sayin’ ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” is very true. I learned the hard way, you can’t ‘help’ anyone else, you can’t choose for anyone else, you can’t make someone love you, you can’t give someone something they don’t want – even if it’s the best gift ever. Force never works, only grace can change our hearts and lives. Falling in love with unconditional love is the only process to real change.

The only thing we CAN do is create an atmosphere for that to happen. Create an open space to inspire. Starting with myself – I seek to inspire people to think about these things. To think about life and to realize we are continually making choices and those choices matter for the short term and the long term. Our choices determine who we become, how we create, and how we inspire.

I’m beginning my week thinking about new ways to inspire, about how to make choices to be the best I can be, about how to love more and better, how to let go of the things that hold me prisoner and soar into the freedom of unconditional love, how to create good in the middle of difficult circumstances, how to better reflect light into my own darkness.

I am not sure where these thoughts, prayers and meditations are leading me this morning, but they feel good, as my friend, Jana, described yesterday, they are leading me to a feeling of triumph. Good stuff for a Monday morning in August!

but for now…

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I am God. I don’t make mistakes. – God speaking to/through Katherine Wolf

Sunday I spent most of the day reading a really wonderful blog called thought gently whispers by Kate Robertson. http://stoneriverstudio.blogspot.com/ – it was very encouraging. Music speaks to Kate like it does to me and so I was in a very good place reading her words and listening to her music. Good, good stuff.

One of her posts took me to a blog and a short film by Jay and Katherine Wolf, called Hope Heals http://hopeheals.com/. I hope you will take the time to watch. Such beautiful grace. No, God does not make mistakes. God does not cause our brokenness, but even our most broken places can be redeemed by God. Love always means ALL things for good. 7

unexpected miracles

Robbed and wounded on the road from Jerusalem to Jericho,
you lie in life’s rough ditch, unable.
Your strength and your treasure pass you by.

Your shadow sees you and is moved with compassion.5
Your pain comes to you.
Your failure bends over you.

Your need for forgiveness bathes your wounds.
Your weakness wraps you in clean bands.
Your unworthiness gathers you in knowing arms.

Your brokenness carries you to safe shelter.
Your poverty says, “Treat this one as my Beloved.
I will return, and pay the cost.”

There is no other grace.
There is no less dangerous life.
There is no other salvation.

Who can tell what stranger will be chosen1
without knowledge
as your innkeeper, your care giver?

Who can know what dark Samaritan,
pushed away, will come
back to you in your need?
_________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
www.unfoldinglight.net

joy in heaven

Brennan Manning
writing of grace
in his human broken frame
a ragamuffin
full if love and scars
he is now home with our Abba

God brought him to me
through Wyatt
in Florida
a weird and wonderful guy
who also brought me to
Henri Nouwen
and
John Eldridge
Wow!
that was a very strange and beneficial encounter

The words and calling
of Ruthless Trust
The Ragamuffin Gospel
the truth resounding
The Furious Love of God
Abba’s Child
The Wisdom of Tenderness
Above All

I read every word of his
I can get hold of
each echo in my heart
We are here to help each other
from one ragamuffin to another
Yes, he lived his calling
in a brave and wonderful way
finding intimacy and true relationship
through imperfection
just as I have

there is great joy in heaven
as he goes home
I am sure he is enjoying
the band greatly

4/13/13

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Phoebe

PhoebeI sat
stone-like
for days –
maybe weeks –
death still hanging out
smoking a cigarette
waiting for the chance
to conquer and suck
life from my defenseless body

now I realize the wings
I kept hearing
were not birds
as I thought
they were the wings of the
angels keeping watch
protecting
me
as my armor lay in a pile
I sat
staring
absorbing the carnage
wondering
how?
why?
it seemed impossible
I was still alive

AL 1/24/13

The glory of God is hidden in all things. – Steve Garness-Holmes

We want glory. We want joy. We want life to bring us good things and shiny happiness for every moment. With glory, joy, goodness and happiness defined by our own internal vision of what that means. We want God to be our cookie jar and deliver what we pray for in the way we pray for it. Anything less is a disappointment. I’m not judging anyone – it’s how I’ve lived as well. With expectations of what I want just waiting to be delivered, and when it isn’t I get disappointed.

The past 5 months I have gone on a pilgrimage with God. It has been a very, very difficult path to wprayeralk and it has taken me into places of darkness and danger which I did not know existed in my physical living and within my soul. As I continue on this path, it seems, like Buttercup in The Princess Bride, I have made it through the “fire swamp” and definitely through the “pit of despair” and sometimes I get weak knee’d wondering what is ahead. How will I get through any more of this? I am way too tired, weak, afraid and like Wesley(TPB), “I have been mostly dead all day”.

The truly amazing revelations which I have experienced over these past months are new revelations of the magnitude of God. Our faith is all about personal experience and my experiences have been vivid and dramatically life-changing. I have felt the heart of Jesus as he ached to show and share with Jerusalem (and the world) his love with his cry, ‘O Jerusalem, how often…but you would not”; I have experienced the heart of Mary as she stepped out-of-the-way and said, “Do to me what you have said”; I have connected to the truth of the Psalmist as he wrote, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence”?; I have lain on the ash heap with Job as God spoke and said, “Where were you when I laid the foundations?” and I have found the truth of the faith that is pleasing to God, which is obedience. It is not about giving God things that I want. It is about the path that goes where I would not go myself, only from a heart of unconditional, passionate and unlimited love, and staying there in these hard places out of obedience, because of that love.

I have found that commitment and my obedience are my “reasonable service”. I have had no place to go and God has been in that non-place with me. I have never been alone and I have not gotten safely through because I am so brave and strong. God has brought me every breath.

As this New Year gets into full swing, my prayer is for God’s wisdom. Everything I knew before has been upset like the proverbial apple cart, and I am undone. I am weak and tired. I am humbled and I am open to what God has prepared for me to do, as I continue to be obedient and offer my life as a love song.

 

The Wise Ask God for Wisdom
by Rick Warren
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 NIV)

Need wisdom? We all do. And the good news is that God wants to give it to you. He is eager to do so.

Just like it pleased God when Solomon asked for wisdom (1 Kings 3:7-14), it pleases God when we ask for wisdom. It’s God’s nature to give. He is a giving God.

The Bible says in James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (NIV)

This verse says three things about how God gives wisdom. He does so:

  • Continually. “Ask God who gives …” In Greek this is in the continuous tense.
    He keeps on giving. He doesn’t run out of energy. He never wears out.
  • Generously. God’s resources are unlimited. He has enough resources for everyone.
    He’s got plenty of wisdom to go around.
  • Cheerfully. James says God gives “without finding fault.” God loves to give.
    It’s in his nature to give! Don’t get embarrassed to ask. He wants to give you wisdo
  • Talk about it – Where do you need wisdom? Got a big decision coming with your career, your marriage, or your kids?  
    If you want wisdom from God, you’ve got to ask! If you ask, he’ll give it. How will believing this change the way you make future decisions?

A Lifetime A Day

In the space between breaths
It can be gone –
A month’s worth of words
erased with a fingertip.
A 12, 30 even 60 year marriage over
With 4 words spoken:
I want a divorce.
A home with all its possessions
destroyed in a matter of minutes
in the fury of nature –
Fire
or storm
or selfishness
1 healing
Life!
so fragile,
with no guarantees
of longevity
or comfort,
begs to be lived
now.
A lifetime a day
is the only way
to count
for the sake of goodness.
This is the only moment that counts
The only thing eternal
are these moments
that don’t wait.
Take a deep deep breath
of the spirit that is giving it all.
say thank you
for the only gift that matter,
the only thing that remains.
All else can be destroyed.
When nothing else remains,
what is this eternal gift?
Love

AL 12/22/12

Holy One,
I am your vessel,
your cup, your picture frame.
I am the brush and you are the art.
I am the candle; you are the flame.
I am the school bus and you are the children.
I am the ship and you are my freight.
I am the body and you are my soul,
my heartbeat, my nerve, my breath.
You are the harp and I am the string;
I am the string and you are the music;
I am the music and you are the words.
Holy One, I am your life in this life,
and you are my life.
Bear me on
as I bear you
into the world,
O Holy One.
__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

A Blessing for One Who is Exhausted

by John O’Donohue

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight,

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken for the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

Worn
Tenth Avenue North
Album: The Struggle

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But im too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn
My prayers are wearing thin
And I’m worn
Even before the day begins
I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

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