I started out on a broken road many years ago…my heart was shattered in millions of pieces and I had no idea if it would ever heal, if my life would ever be even a little bit ok. The only thing I had going for me was faith and determination.
As I plunged into years of extreme loss, poverty, hardship, homelessness, abuse, unequal relationships and pain, I knew God could mend my brokenness and use me for His glory – no matter what kind of a mess I was – I knew God was bigger! I would keep going and die in the battle if need be, but I would not stop believing, trying or ever give up the fight for good! I had seen the effect of bitterness, anger and victimhood could do in people’s lives and I rejected that in my life. I am very determined to keep those things out of my life – I had no idea how much a full-time and difficult job this would be, but I know it is the right way, because it always leads me to peace and joy. Keeping my heart open and being vulnerable is still a huge, and one of the most important challenges I/we face today. I believe it is a battle that must continue to be fought if we are to make any changes in our world.
In order for me to accomplish what I set out to do I found myself pursuing goodness…actively and passionately..every day – all day. I would look for good, look for kindness, look for miracles to get me through to the next moment. I would put my broken heart and dreams – my very life-blood that I was helpless to rescue, into God’s plan and hands (sometimes over and over for days) and I would seek God – I filled my senses with nature, with music, with art, with the words, and quotes, of people who had also walked a broken path to achieve healing themselves, and I would struggle to give true thanks in every circumstance for the wisdom, life-lessons and the hands of my great creator, God, who was so obviously present with me. The glimpses of His glory have allowed me to see how little I truly know and have made my faith ever more passionate and real.
With my eyes open – I see the miracles so clearly and I have wondered many times why it took me so long to begin living this way??? As the years have added up, my faith has become true and I have found the most joyous intimacy with my friend, Jesus, by living his words (Matthew 5-7) in ways I could never have known any other way.
I truly believe that seeking for the good, every minute of every day, and being thankful – right in the middle of every circumstance – from the most grueling – to the most fun – is the only way to realize who we are in this world. Not saying it’s easy – just saying it is worth it!!!! We are each a beloved masterpiece of God – given all good things to enjoy – every day there are so many good things – don’t let anything distract you from seeing them and giving thanks!
When we pray for God our shepherd to lead us, we usually have green pastures in mind. But when Peter and James healed a paralytic, preached to the crowd, and testified to the authorities who arrested them, they didn’t do this out of their own personal desire; they did it because God led them to. God didn’t exactly lead them beside still waters.
Our lives are richest in blessing, peace and vibrancy when we live not according to our own impulses, but in harmony with God’s grace. Whether it is toward peaceful rest or challenging action, God leads us from within, guiding, nudging, sometimes compelling us, and leads us from without, alluring, beckoning, pleading, needing us. We much prefer going our own way, of course―so we do what we can to ignore God’s shepherding. One way is to believe that God is on our side, so that we don’t feel the need to listen to God. We already know. Another way is to limit our faith to ideas, so that we can “believe” without actually acting. Another escape is to be busy, so that we believe we can’t afford to slow down as much as is needed to listen to God. Many believers are so sure and busy that if God really is a shepherd, they’re atheists.
You will not likely know God’s will for your life by pushing hard. You’re more likely to find out by listening for the voice of your shepherd and following. Whether you feel the need to stand up and act or lie down and rest, let God shepherd you. Let the Spirit within you and in others speak to you. Let God’s “rod and staff” gently lead you. Rather than deciding where you ought to be, discern where your shepherd is, and be there. Renounce all your ideas of where God ought to lead you. Let the shepherd decide. In stillness, listen. In openness, wait to hear. In humble trust, resolve to follow the shepherd before you know where he’s going.
Don’t resist when the shepherd leads you either to pastures greener than you think you deserve or valleys darker than you think you can handle. If you are with your shepherd, you are in the right place. You are in “the house of the Lord.” Listen, trust and follow. And don’t worry about saving the world. That’s God’s job. Neither shrink back in despair nor run ahead on your own; just stay with the shepherd. Just show up and take your place in the flock, where God needs you. Surely goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.
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Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light www.unfoldinglight.net
Used with permission
Oh God, I bless thee for the happy moment when I first saw thy law fulfilled in Christ, wrath appeased, death destroyed, sin forgiven,
my soul saved….
I want no other rock to build upon than that I have,
desire no other hope than that of gospel truth, need no other look than that which gazes on the cross…
May my cry be always, Only Jesus! only Jesus!
In Him I have all that I can hold; enlarge me to take in more… If I am tempted, and have no wit, give me strength enough to trust in Him…
If in extremity,
let me feel that He can deliver me; If driven to the verge of hope and to the pit of despair, grant me grace to fall into His arms.
O God, hear me,
do for me more
than I ask, think, or dream.”
I see the choir in the robes, the piano player plays
And they all sing hallelujah
All the people in the front and the people in the back
Are singing praises to Ya
And I close my eyes and let the music wash right over me
Just like the blood of the lamb that washed me clean
I’m looking through the book at the hymns
That a thousand men have written for You
“Amazing Grace” and “I’ll Fly Away”
And “Joyful We Adore You”
And it occurred to me that the songs I sing, although they’re beautiful
They just don’t compare to the best one that I know
You are the melody, the words, You’re the chorus
Cause You gladly laid Your life down for us
All the blessings that You bring
You’re the only song I ever wanna sing.
All the sinners and the saints got something to say
But we know who gave ’em voices
And we’re all down here in the atmosphere just making joyful noises
Birds are singing in the air, thunder crashes like a drum
Your song is everywhere; it was my first number 1
You are the melody the words, You’re the chorus
Cause You gladly laid Your life down for us
All the blessings that You bring
You’re the only song I ever wanna sing.
Sing Halleluja
Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
You are the melody, the words, You’re the chorus
Cause You gladly laid your life down for us
You are the melody, the words, You’re the chorus
Cause You gladly laid Your life down for us
All the blessings that You bring
Lord of Lords, and King of Kings
We will let our voices ring
You’re the only song we ever wanna sing.
You’re the only song I ever wanna sing (hallelujah)
You’re the only song I ever wanna sing (hallelujah)
You’re the only song I ever wanna sing.