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Archive for the category “Becoming Yourself”

18 Feb 2015

The unfolding of the bare human soul … that is what interests me. Bruce Lee

I sit with the ghost of ashes
on my forehead,
still raw and sore,
feeling the sting and exhaustion
that comes from vulnerability
in the face of possible rejection.
I feel unworthy,
even as I know I don’t need to.
I felt under dressed –
one of my hardest, most shame-filled, pettiest horrors in life.
I felt judged as less than,
even though I do not know for sure I was.
I feel broken,
crushed,
I sit in the ash heap of my past
reflected in the story I have to tell.
my truth –
it’s so ugly,
so jagged,
how can it ever be redeemed?
how can I possibly be arrogant enough to think that God will use me,
restore my life,
even bless me?

Because He already has.
Because the truth is, he is making beauty right in these ashes,
even this very moment.
If I have ever believed that for sure –
then this is the time to truly believe it.
No matter the judgement of anyone.
No matter the temptation which these feelings bring – yes, this is the wicked temptation –
to tempt me to feel
unworthy,
less than,
like I don’t belong,
like I can’t make new choices,
like my clothes matter more than my soul,
so I turn away and give up.
So I do not risk this feeling
by just not sharing my story.
So I forget, or ignore, the multitudes of miracles.
So I just take my life in my own hands and make something happen for myself, without God.
As I am tempted to do each moment.

I want to heap the ashes on my head,
sit in them,
rip my already hole-y sweat pants even more.
I want to wail –
instead of this civilized way of crying with tissues catching my overactive sinus production.
I want to run far away and have someone tell me I’m pretty,
I’m a victim,
Life’s unfair.

Yes, I am tasting ashes for lent.
Today, I am very aware of my inefficiencies.
I bow with humility.
I bow in gratitude.
I have nothing
Yet!
(there is hope!!!)
I am beloved!
thank God,
Easter is coming!!

AL 3/6/14

20 things you might consider giving up this Lent. And these are things to give up not just for Lent, but for the rest of your life.

• Guilt – I am loved by Jesus and he has forgiven my sins. Today is a new day and the past is behind.
• Fear – God is on my side. In him I am more than a conqueror. (see Romans 8)
• The need to please everyone – I can’t please everyone anyways. There is only one I need to strive to please.
• Envy – I am blessed. My value is not found in my possessions, but in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
• Impatience – God’s timing is the perfect timing.
• Sense of entitlement – The world does not owe me anything. God does not owe me anything. I live in humility and grace.
• Bitterness and Resentment – The only person I am hurting by holding on to these is myself.
• Blame – I am not going to pass the buck. I will take responsibility for my actions.
• Gossip and Negativity – I will put the best construction on everything when it comes to other people. I will also minimize my contact with people who are negative and toxic bringing other people down.
• Comparison – I have my own unique contribution to make and there is no one else like me.
• Fear of failure – You don’t succeed without experiencing failure. Just make sure you fail forward.
• A spirit of poverty – Believe with God that there is always more than enough and never a lack
• Feelings of unworthiness – You are fearfully and wonderfully made by your creator. (see Psalm 139)
• Doubt – Believe God has a plan for you that is beyond anything you could imagine. The future is brighter than you could ever realize.
• Self-pity – God comforts us in our sorrow so that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
• Retirement – As long as you are still breathing, you are here for a reason. You have a purpose to influence others for Christ. That does not come to an end until the day we die.
• Excuses – A wise man once said, if you need an excuse, any excuse will do.
• Lack of counsel – Wise decisions are rarely made in a vacuum.
• Pride – Blessed are the humble.
• Worry – God is in control and worrying will not help.
God has so much more in store for you. But so many of these things above are holding you back from walking in the full destiny he has laid out for you. Today is a new day.

So there you have it. What else might you add to the list?

God’s blessings,
Pastor Phil
http://gs4nj.org/20-things-to-give-up-for-lent/

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17 Feb 2015

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boundary lines and hard lessons

Shrive: to hear a confession;
to impose penance; to grant absolution.

Shrove Tuesday, our fifth snowstorm
in as many weeks.
In three feet of snow,
plowed shoulder deep beside the roads,
along the driveways,
we confess that we are human,
that we are weary,
the streets lined with quadriplegic cars,
that we are small, dependent, fragile.
The knife wind comes down on us
where we are tender.
We confess our bondage
to the narrow paths we’ve dug,
and keep digging.
Winter swallows our voices, erases speech;
our chanting shovels confess
we are not masters.
The silver sun hears us,
assures us straightening between shovelfuls
that we are not evil,
merely afraid,
and notes how much of our snow
is now in our neighbor’s driveway.
The strangeness so oddly transforming our streets,
the need, the hardship
tempt us inward, swirling winds,
but beckon us to reconcile, to accept,
to bond, to help.
We shovel toward each other.
The crow and the fox
who also shiver bear our absolution:
we too belong, and carry out penance
for being human
in labor and toil.
Shriven under mounds of baptismal white,
we are not judged.
This is not punishment,
just life,
that we must shovel.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

photo source tracks found at

Posted in action, attitude, awareness, Becoming Yourself, beloved, dark, determination, Encouragement, Faith, find art at pinterest, grace, Gratitude, Grieving, Growth, healing, Letting Go, Life, People, Relationships, Trust, www.pinterest.com

16 Feb 2015

dance with me

Can I show you where we can go together? Can I dance with you, grab hold of your hand, my fingers clasped around your palm? You are graceful when you dance with me. You are free, your steps light and sure. You plant each foot firmly into soil. You know this ground, this earth. The floor is level and you respond, fully, to my subtle hints at what will be the next move to make.

You trust Me. You know Me. You want to be with Me. You know who you are and your burden is light and your smile is radiant and your eyes shine.

You are home.

Loop
http://www.gatherministries.com

photo source tracks found at

Posted in attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, Dancing, Encouragement, Faith, find art at pinterest, home, Letting Go, Love, music, mystery, Passion, Patience, Relationships, soul and spirit, touch, www.pinterest.com | Leave a comment

14 Feb 2015

love is for the strong

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

Love’s Exquisite Freedom by Maya Angelou

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy

Stop trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Stop giving chances to someone who abuses your forgiveness. Stop walking back to the place where your heart ran from. Stop trusting their words and ignoring their actions. Stop breaking your own HEART. — Unknown

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11 Feb 2015

oh the humanity

I am always amazed at the layers,
the levels, of the human experience.
The never ending,
ever evolving, devolving,
shifting, opening,
illumination, illusion-revealing,
conviction shattering, my gospel truth challenging,
deep calling to deep, border breaking,
darkness, light and color discovering, re-discovering.
This way of living I have stumbled onto – not because I’m so smart –
because I was given a priceless gift.
This surprising path
of a pilgrim,
of spiritual growth,
baby stepping my way to
healing, learning,
opening, Mystery,
always more.
Always re-defining the definitions
of love, abundance,
grace, healing,
truth, error,
good, evil,
joy, suffering,
prosperity, poverty,
spirit, spirituality,
life itself becoming more with each step.
My self righteousness becoming filthy rags
with every glimpse of my Creator, my Savior.
Sometimes I understand how Peter must have felt when he saw the great sheet of unclean animals come down before him.
When God asked him to kill and eat,
He, challenged with those same words I have heard from heaven –
“What I have named clean do not proclaim unclean.”
Challenging, very challenging, stuff.
The stuff of humility and opening.
Life changing-giving stuff.
We want to think we know, that we are right.
We want approval, to be able to judge.
We want to earn our way, be worthy.
It will never work. Thankfully.
Then we catch a tiny glimpse and we fall on our knees,
breathless, undone,
aware of our need, our misplaced vanity,
stripped of our pride…our shoes,
amazed by what we have encountered, changed forever, always beloved,
full, yet ever thirsty for more – God…

ACL 2014

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10 Feb 2015

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moving grace-fully

He is beautiful. And you know Him. You know His name.

So watch how He moves. Heed the Spirit I leave with you. Know you are never alone. . . For I want you to live like you know who I am. And I want you to live like you know who you are. And I want you to live like you know this life I’ve given you is for the purpose of you being blessed by my love.

My love is for you. I am for you. Move with Me now. See Me moving and move with Me now. This is what you were meant, always, to do.
– Loop http://www.gatherministries.com/loop

photo source tracks found at

Posted in attitude, awareness, beauty, Becoming Yourself, Choice, Dancing, Dreams, find art at pinterest, Letting Go, Life, Love, Trust, www.pinterest.com

06 Feb 2015

wherever we find ourselves is where we are to share love

The Empire of God has no headquarters,
nor will there be a Final Battle.
God’s desire is more than saving selected souls:
it is the healing of the nations,
the mending of the whole world.
But there is no Situation Room
from which this campaign is directed.
The Spirit of healing and compassion,
the work of redemption and justice
is done in every little village and town.
Every heart is the center of the movement.
Every life, every act—your life, this day—
is where Christ works.
It is for this that you were born;
“that is what you came out to do.”
You don’t need to do great miracles.
The world is transformed in very small bits,
village by village, one moment at a time.
You are the message.
__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

in an imperfect world helplessness, acceptance and surrender are the defining words of love

photo source tracks found at

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05 Feb 2015

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upside down

What happens when things turn upside down?
It’s funny you should ask
I’ve spent my lifetime finding out
Some answers to just that-

An umbrella becomes a birdbath
A hat becomes a bowl
A plate can get quite messy
If it’s loaded up with food
like meatloaf and potatoes
and lots of gravy too
An opossums probably acting dead
A fish may really be
A gorilla stays a gorilla
‘butt’ It’s quite the sight to see

North is South
and South is North
polar opposites
the mirror now reflects my feet
where my teeth used to be

The cloud’s all silver lining
The rainbow’s now a smile
The floor becomes the ceiling
The ceiling’s now a floor

And when my life turned upside down
Then certain things came clear
How little some things mattered
How other things were dear
How difficult to show my heart
Important though it is
How much it costs to sing my songs
Though for them, do I live
There’s so much more to tell you
and I’ll try share it all
in hopes if you turn upside down
You’re ready for the fall
It’s really very simple
though very hard to see
That living upside down
Is the best that life can be

cause He said:

3 “Blessed are those who have nothing to bring,
for they will be owning the kingdom.
4 Blessed are those with the most broken of hearts,
comfort and love they are given.
5 Blessed are those who choose to be gentle,
they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who seek me with passion,
they will be feasting in fashion.
7 Blessed are the forgivers,
for they will be those forgiven.
8 Blessed are those who have gone through the fire,
for they will fly high from the pyre.
9 Blessed are the ones who march in peace,
for they will be called God’s children.
10 Blessed are those who do hard things, who speak the truth of God they have experienced in the face of losing family and friends,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are you when people insult you, treat you bad, lie about you and spread gossip about you because of what you speak.
12 Be happy, filled with joy and gladness, because great is your reward in heaven, you aren’t alone. It’s always been hard for those who color outside the lines, who walk around upside down and let their guts show….*

I don’t claim to understand it
It makes no sense at all
Yet I can’t deny the way I’m blessed
By following this call

ACL 2/4/15

* my interpretation of The Beatitudes found in Matthew 5: 1-12

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Posted in Adventure, attitude, awareness, Becoming Yourself, Beliefs, beloved, Blessing, Change, find art at pinterest, Gratitude, Growth, healing, Joy, Letting Go, Life, Love, Miracles, mystery, Passion, soul and spirit, www.pinterest.com

04 Feb 2015

I see you there on your cloud…will you see me?

Next to grace, I bet God thinks making us need each other was one of his best ideas.
– Bob Goff

There’s this progressive shedding that has happened as I walk into my own being. Being responsible for ONLY my own life is an ever challenging, evolving process.
Several years ago, much to my surprise, I found some people just didn’t like me. No real reason even, just a vibrant dislike vibe when I walked in. I am super sensitive and my nature is to want to be liked. Yup, I’m a giant people pleaser! My progress has evolved over years of learning, and is still a work in process.
Many years ago I would twist myself into weird shapes and do anything to make the other like me, then I slowly learned to allow it to be and not prove myself, or force anything. It has been a gradual, sometimes extremely painful, learning.
Parallel to that, there has been this great and mighty internal work going on, and as I have shed yesterday and baby-step by baby-step learned tiny, mind blowing truths about what love really looks like, I have also been growing into my own voice.
It’s a rather unexpected thing for me, it’s scary and challenging, and yet essential for me to step into my calling. my purpose here.
I am being called to share my experiences in walking this path. Called to be vulnerable and speak as myself. Now, when people don’t like me, I can’t fully say, ‘Well, they really don’t know me at all. They haven’t encountered the real me’, because, more and more of myself is becoming visible.
I feel very alone. I feel unprepared. I feel unworthy. I feel I’m not good enough. I feel afraid of many things, rejection is one of the biggies.
What I know for sure is…none of these feelings matter. This is bigger than me and I cannot say no. What I have gained is too valuable not to share.
Anyway, this has come out different and longer than I expected when I started writing. I am crying so I know it is what I need to say.
I just ask you to pray for me.
If you are reading this, you are a fellow pilgrim. Thank you for sharing this moment on path with me.
As we say in Kentucky to friends as we go our separate ways for a moment, ‘Ya’ll come see us soon, don’t be a stranger.’