who I was…who I am
Tonight I cry for that girl
The one who knew nothing at the start
She worked so hard to do it your way
She wanted it all, she wanted your heart
To make you happy, to make you love her
To understand why you wanted her to suffer
I cry for her innocence
Cry for her pain
Cry for her passion
Each of her losses
And all of her shame
Standing alone
Facing hurricanes
No shelter at all
From the wind or the rain
Yes tonight I cry for that girl
Today I laugh with that girl
The one who learned it all the hard way
She worked so damn hard
Choose hell to pay
Just to be happy
to know she was ok
Now she trusts who she is today
I laugh for her goodness
Laugh with her joy
Laugh for her passion
Share all of her gains
Know who she is
Standing alone
Singing her songs
In the eye of the hurricane
Yes today I laugh with that girl
❤️
Amy Lloyd
No longer ‘Aimless Eyes’
In 1984 an artist friend, who was quite a bit older than I, asked if she could paint my portrait. I had very few photos of myself (waaaaay before selfies!) and I was very flattered as I said an enthusiastic, ‘Yes!’
We took rolls of film as I posed and I somehow felt special and almost like a real model! Haha (I was 19 years old – going on 11).
I waited several months for my masterpiece and was so excited when she told me it was finished! I went with eager anticipation as she unveiled it for me…
It was a fairly large stretched canvas with my eyes only – the rest was just clouds. Somehow this was not what I had expected. It was a surreal moment and I felt off balance and disturbed by it. Seen in this way I had never been seen before. It was a ‘killing me softly’ moment. I was scared of it, my emptiness, my superficial nature exposed – I wanted to get away from the haunting nature of it…but, somehow, I couldn’t. It was an ‘I am’…on the bottom was painted the title of her creative vision of me….’Aimless Eyes’ (it still makes me cry 34 years later)
I was a dreamer. I knew nothing. I had no life experience. I lived in my daydreams of romance and beauty, which obviously had been seen by another for the first time, yet had also been interrupted as holding nothing of value. I wanted desperately to be beautiful, to be known, to be a good person, to be of value, to be seen, to be loved. I had none of those things in my life.
approximately 34 years later, a photographer friend took the photos above of my eyes looking at a natural heart found on her deck (#lovelettersonthepath) and one night later, last evening, the original artist friend who painted me so long ago, and who I haven’t seen for 34 years commented on one of my selfies with her original assessment…’Aimless Eyes’
It’s brought up a lot of memories, realizations, feelings of shame, feelings of being proud of who I am now…working through it all… thetappingsolution.com
This is what I know for sure…
My life is valuable
I am beloved
I am strong
I am courageous
I am trustworthy
I am enough
…
So are you!
…
My eyes keep searching to aim towards the hearts found all over the world who need love!
…
I am…
A – ME
life: acoustic & amplified 