The unfolding of the bare human soul … that is what interests me. Bruce Lee
I sit with the ghost of ashes
on my forehead,
still raw and sore,
feeling the sting and exhaustion
that comes from vulnerability
in the face of possible rejection.
I feel unworthy,
even as I know I don’t need to.
I felt under dressed –
one of my hardest, most shame-filled, pettiest horrors in life.
I felt judged as less than,
even though I do not know for sure I was.
I feel broken,
crushed,
I sit in the ash heap of my past
reflected in the story I have to tell.
my truth –
it’s so ugly,
so jagged,
how can it ever be redeemed?
how can I possibly be arrogant enough to think that God will use me,
restore my life,
even bless me?
Because He already has.
Because the truth is, he is making beauty right in these ashes,
even this very moment.
If I have ever believed that for sure –
then this is the time to truly believe it.
No matter the judgement of anyone.
No matter the temptation which these feelings bring – yes, this is the wicked temptation –
to tempt me to feel
unworthy,
less than,
like I don’t belong,
like I can’t make new choices,
like my clothes matter more than my soul,
so I turn away and give up.
So I do not risk this feeling
by just not sharing my story.
So I forget, or ignore, the multitudes of miracles.
So I just take my life in my own hands and make something happen for myself, without God.
As I am tempted to do each moment.
I want to heap the ashes on my head,
sit in them,
rip my already hole-y sweat pants even more.
I want to wail –
instead of this civilized way of crying with tissues catching my overactive sinus production.
I want to run far away and have someone tell me I’m pretty,
I’m a victim,
Life’s unfair.
Yes, I am tasting ashes for lent.
Today, I am very aware of my inefficiencies.
I bow with humility.
I bow in gratitude.
I have nothing
Yet!
(there is hope!!!)
I am beloved!
thank God,
Easter is coming!!
AL 3/6/14
20 things you might consider giving up this Lent. And these are things to give up not just for Lent, but for the rest of your life.
• Guilt – I am loved by Jesus and he has forgiven my sins. Today is a new day and the past is behind.
• Fear – God is on my side. In him I am more than a conqueror. (see Romans 8)
• The need to please everyone – I can’t please everyone anyways. There is only one I need to strive to please.
• Envy – I am blessed. My value is not found in my possessions, but in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
• Impatience – God’s timing is the perfect timing.
• Sense of entitlement – The world does not owe me anything. God does not owe me anything. I live in humility and grace.
• Bitterness and Resentment – The only person I am hurting by holding on to these is myself.
• Blame – I am not going to pass the buck. I will take responsibility for my actions.
• Gossip and Negativity – I will put the best construction on everything when it comes to other people. I will also minimize my contact with people who are negative and toxic bringing other people down.
• Comparison – I have my own unique contribution to make and there is no one else like me.
• Fear of failure – You don’t succeed without experiencing failure. Just make sure you fail forward.
• A spirit of poverty – Believe with God that there is always more than enough and never a lack
• Feelings of unworthiness – You are fearfully and wonderfully made by your creator. (see Psalm 139)
• Doubt – Believe God has a plan for you that is beyond anything you could imagine. The future is brighter than you could ever realize.
• Self-pity – God comforts us in our sorrow so that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
• Retirement – As long as you are still breathing, you are here for a reason. You have a purpose to influence others for Christ. That does not come to an end until the day we die.
• Excuses – A wise man once said, if you need an excuse, any excuse will do.
• Lack of counsel – Wise decisions are rarely made in a vacuum.
• Pride – Blessed are the humble.
• Worry – God is in control and worrying will not help.
God has so much more in store for you. But so many of these things above are holding you back from walking in the full destiny he has laid out for you. Today is a new day.
So there you have it. What else might you add to the list?
God’s blessings,
Pastor Phil
http://gs4nj.org/20-things-to-give-up-for-lent/
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