four months as a caregiver
I had fainted,
unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord : be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart:
wait, I say, on the Lord.
– Psalms 27:13, 14
I’m not sure if I am standing
I feel faint and dizzy
the room spins,
as the world tilts,
as death hangs out in the dining room
shuffling papers on the table,
the word
contagious
sits in the air heavy,
smelling like the nightly skunk visits in the yard.
This mother and son hang out in beds
as I witness their daily fading.
The land of the living feels very far away.
I want to run.
I want to seek fun –
people and activities.
I want to walk in sunshine and breathe fresh air.
How can I have courage at a time like this?
How can I wait?
How can I wait for God?
How can I know the strength will come?
How can I know this will turn out for good?
How can I trust, what I cannot do on my own,
I can do through waiting,
getting myself out of the way,
so my mighty God can do it for me?
I have seen many things of God before now.
I have seen countless miracles.
My God has been faithful.
I have never been abandoned.
I am sure of God’s goodness.
I know Love beyond measure.
There have been times I could not wait,
I remember them well,
they turned out badly.
I will wait,
I will see the goodness of my Lord…
again…and again…and again.
Everything is grace.
God goes before me,
and so, having done all I can,
I stand,
I wait,
I serve,
knees knocking
hands shaking,
smiling watery,
way too woozy to walk.
This, my friends, I have realized,
is, truly, the only way to allow God to show up,
this IS faith and courage,
(if I can do anything myself, then I don’t need God –
and I won’t see God).
Yes, this what the battle looks like,
on any given day
for warriors of the light.
AL 9/25/13
life: acoustic & amplified 