life: acoustic & amplified

poetry, quotes & thoughts about life

Archive for the month “April, 2013”

dreaming of you

I gaze at the stars.
spring night air, and strange new sounds,
seep soft through open windows,
first night open for two seasons.
crickets and coyotes mix with dogs and cars
the occasional child crying,
bed time,
then the soothing sound of its mothers voice.
I lay on a hard mattress,
my neck hurts,
my head aches,
I wonder it’s not worse
with the stress of my wallet echo.
I have certainly gotten resilient
over these years.
I drift, soft with the night.
I think about the wonder
of this life I am living,
how much I have learned,
and how that is only
the surface.
the stars are fading,
the big dipper going to sleep.
my eyelids are getting heavy
time to find the dream answers
waiting on the other side
of my living
where anything can happen,
and it’s all really about me.

AL 4/9/13

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trust

The woods this morning didn’t look any different from autumn: trees bare, grass brown, dead leaves on muddy ground. But spring is happening. The woods were thick with bird song. I saw the beaver who hides in the brook. I came upon a little marsh where some little critter was singing away, a single frog proclaiming its news. Others joined in, in a great chorus of peeping and screeching. I couldn’t see any of them. I stood there a long time and looked, but I couldn’t find one. I came nearer—and of course they all stopped. They knew I was there. And though I could not see them, I knew they were there.

Most of what goes on in this world is unseen. Planets orbit, flocks migrate, cells and organs work in the darkness. And love does its work. Skeptics look for proof of God, as if God were Bigfoot, as if The Holy One were any more provable than love or humor, as if paparazzi could somehow catch Spirit taking out the trash. No, God is The Unseen One. The closer we come the more there is only mystery. Fools never realize that when we stop knowing and can only wonder, we are seeing God.

We learn to tune our hearts to the invisible, to see with our souls, not just our eyes, to know that we live in a world and in the company of a Presence whose power and grace so far exceeds our capacity to know or see or understand that all we can do is wonder and trust. The world sings its song. God is at work. We come near, and listen with gratitude, and wonder and trust.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

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Fools come and go
As does life
but we are still here,
you and I,
living this dance
between the two sacred spaces
of our eternity,
birth and death,
connecting our living
with the whole
of what was before
and what will come after
the unbroken tread
the unbreakable thread
the circle of Love
unending
the blind Father
who welcomes us
as He does all his children
to this glorious celebration
because we are all equally
his beloved

AL 4/2/13

the battle

The real spiritual combat is the struggle to keep moving toward the light precisely when the darkness is so real.
– Henri Nouwen

the dark came
and took me
places I didn’t want to go
brought me things
I didn’t want to know
and I was saved alone
because of the faith
I lived before this great darkness
You see, I knew there was light
even though I couldn’t see it
because the light was hidden inside
it called me to come
In the blackness it still shone
even though I couldn’t see it
my heart could hear it
because it was tuned
in the silence it still called
in the months of waiting
when I couldn’t walk,
even when I couldn’t move,
You were there
my heart felt you there
to carry me
to place me in the arc
to keep the flame alive
to make sure the darkness didn’t win
to make sure the stone was rolled away
so I could find the tomb door
on the morning I awake
to live again

AL 4/4/13

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Divinity School

Come forth into the light of things,
Let nature be your teacher.
– William Wordsworth

I sit and open my mind
to the learning of the ocean
the gulls in flight
have been my most excellent teachers.
I have been learning from their instruction
for the past two months.
Their movement in the air and water
have taught me more about trust in these moments
than sitting for years
in a classroom somewhere.
This is my Divinity School.
The movement of the elements
wind, snow, sand, rain and sun.
The conversations with
rocks, trees, shells, spring flowers.
The water teaches me
intimacy with my creator,
and the true breadth
width and height of God.
Who is all
through all
above all
under all
beside all
inside all
around all
We humans walk on and through
God himself
so mostly unaware
the earth is made of His word
the air and sea are His breath
we are made of all three
clay, water, air
Trinity
I cannot help but be
astounded,
overwhelmed,
overjoyed
by this majestic love.
I experience it in every step I take.
Of course I must sing
(a melody like this
will not be contained)
in harmony with the glamorous gold sparkly rocks
filling my pockets.
How could I possibly keep quiet?

4/6/13

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After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Italian proverb

Being Humble and Confident

As we look at the stars and let our minds wander into the many galaxies, we come to feel so small and insignificant that anything we do, say, or think seems completely useless. But if we look into our souls and let our minds wander into the endless galaxies of our interior lives, we become so tall and significant that everything we do, say, or think appears of great importance.

We have to keep looking both ways to remain humble and confident, humorous and serious, playful and responsible. Yes, the human person is very small and very tall. It is the tension between the two that keeps us spiritually awake.

– Henri Nouwen

Home

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this is it!

“On the third day he rose from the dead.”

I don’t have an idea what this means.
I have a trust, a gratitude, a courage,
but not an idea, an explanation.
Nobody got a picture.

Maybe Jesus suddenly took a breath,
sat up and walked out, squinting in the light
like a new-born baby.
Maybe God gave him a new resurrection body,
at first unrecognizable,
not earthly at all, but Something Else.
Maybe the Body of Christ is the community,
as Paul said. Maybe it was a heavenly vision,
a hallucination, a cover-up, a plot.
Or just warm fuzzy feelings.

I don’t know. What I know is this:
Before that day the disciples were fearful, ashamed,
broken, hiding and confused.
And afterward they were joyous, confident
and fearless, and gathered together
to proclaim what they had seen.
Somehow, the Living One met them
and called them out of old lives into new ones.
In whatever form he came, that is the Risen Christ.

Once I was broken, empty, ashamed
and without hope in the sham I called “myself.”
But a loving presence walked me into the darkness,
laid me down, made me over and brought me out.
Whatever that is, that Change, that Power—
that’s resurrection.

Whatever transforms you is resurrection.
Whatever mystery makes you let go of the old life
and makes you more loving, more joyful,
more hopeful, trusting and grateful,
is the power of God. It is all you need.
Whoever forgives you, whoever bears you over
is the risen Christ.
Stop trying to get an ID, to get a picture,
to explain, analyze, dissect it.
Let it be the wondrous mystery that it is.

Blessed are they who have not seen
and yet who have come to believe.

__________________
Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light
http://www.unfoldinglight.net

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faith trumps fear

Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replied, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter. It all depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light. If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little. If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little. Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed – incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries. No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you. If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down.

http://www.marcandangel.com/

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the only real question

The question is not
How am I to love God?
But,
How am I to let myself be loved by God?
– Henri Nouwen

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finding resurrection

The lion still roars
I walk in grief
On the purple beach
the grey-green water
meeting the sky
Into infinity
the world unending
I sit on driftwood
Fascinatingly carved by water
Into pieces of art
and shapes that look like
cattle skulls in the desert
I cry as I pick up rocks
Why do i grieve such simple things
Those precious shells
I spent hours snorkeling for
In 1985
You polished them
til they were smooth as silk
So beautiful
I loved everything about them
and that memory they held
Back When the world was still
A mystery
And I knew nothing about hardship
Loss or pain
I thought love and life were simple
That you wanted me to be happy
That you loved me
That we would build a family together
I kept those shells in a special jar
Would let the kids play with them
For a special treat
I loved their delight in them
As they played for hours
sorting the colors and shapes
Loving the story of us at the start
I Kept them close to me
Through all the losses
Then they were gone
lost to me forever
way after my innocence
but somehow they took
some shred I was holding on to
Some secret part of me and you
that was still beautiful

I picked up small beautiful rocks
today at the beach
They reminded me
and it all returned
all the losses
all the pain
What you chose
The choices I was forced to make
The price of gaining my soul
The cost of winning my freedom
I cry so deeply
Right to the core
such intense love
for the wounded heart
carried in small pieces
of the world
connecting all the pain
and love together
Bittersweet grief
Bittersweet love
Exquisite pain
Exquisite joy
Will I ever find another that understands this?
Will I ever share this same heart as one?
Will I ever make it home?
Will I ever make it?
Will I ever?
Will I?
Will?

AL 3/31/13

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absorbing grief

Have you sat with grief?
Have you let it wring you dry?
Leave you swollen and exhausted
in it’s wake?
Allowed the pain from the inner depths of hell,
deeper than you knew existed,
to ooze out,
bubble up into your heart,
so that your tears could begin
to wash you clean?
So it can absorb into your highest self,
and make you all you can be?
Have you asked yourself
the questions with no answers?
can you allow them to just co-exist with you,
knowing for sure that life is good,
finding space for gratitude
even in the unanswerable?
Have you walked, and talked,
with death and your losses?
Your innocence murdered
by anger and hate?
Precious time stolen
by monsters and ogres?
Heart trampled
by words of violence and sarcasm?
Are you familiar with vulnerability?
With allowing your deepest feelings,
painful feelings,
raw feeling,
real feelings,
to come out of the grave
where you try to hide them?
Exposing your wounds,
old and new?
I know how hard it is,
I know.
I try to avoid it too.
I also know the truth.
It must be done.
It is the broken road to healing.
To life!
The more we feel,
the more we can feel.
Go deep, my friend
Open up wide.
Sit a spell and let it bubble.
Feel it all.
It will feel rotten for a while,
then comes the morning
you wake up good as new!
New and improved.
I promise you won’t regret it.
Just trust me on this one.
I am well acquainted with grief.
I am intimately familiar
with the process.

AL 4/1/13

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