Hello Life
I am heavy
Stepping with sand-bag feet
Slow
Hello life
In this dark day
I look for beauty
It’s always there
I wonder if I would have jumped
or just gone back to die
If I had really known how hard it would be
year after year
on and on
with no relief
If I had known this day would be waiting for me
Do I really believe it will ever get better?
No answer comes
I move away from the question
I made my choice –
it was the harder one
I go curl up in fetal position
In the Legacy Garden
On the round plaque with Wendell Berry’s words of understanding
I part the out thrusting branches
And come in beneath the blessed and the blessing trees. 
Though I am silent
There is singing around me.
Though I am dark
There is vision around me.
Though I am heavy
There is flight around me.
– Wendell Berry
I lay on the words
feel them
seeping in to my body
connecting me
comforting me
Life continues to flow
There is goodness right here in the dark
I can acknowledge it
I look up at the roof of the gondola
branches of painted ever-green summer leaves
Who cares if someone sees me?
P.S. there ought to be a raven here somewhere
AL 12/3/12
life: acoustic & amplified 