I turned my head (10 years later)
the day after you lose someone is often the hardest day…
you wake up thinking they are in their bedroom,
sleeping on their pillow,
or safe in their crib,
that surely they are going to pop open the bedroom door and say,
” Hey mom…”
the numb has set in,
the prayers are bleeding through your body…
reality is somewhere ” out there” in another time and place…
God walks up and down the hallways by your side…
Surely it is safe to leave the planet for the next few weeks
while you sort out
fumble through
forget about,
walk up and down the grocery aisles,
filter through the rage…
review the rules of compassion…
write the 10 Commandments down on paper…
though you know them by heart
sing songs in your car as you head to the hospital
to visit a good friend struggling through another day of chemo…
push the button on the CD player to number 5
” Somebody prayed for me,
they had me on their minds…
they took the time to pray for me…
I’m so very glad,
I’m so very glad,
I’m so very glad
they prayed for me.”
( Sweet Honey in the Rock)
my internal overload button on high
memories pushing the pain trauma
my thoughts turning to the notebooks filled with
wisdom and relaxation rituals…
There was a before…
and there is always an after…
There is always a “getting through”
and a substance to hold onto…
I call that substance God…
All the children of the world
are each of ours…
they may not have names we know
but they do indeed have hearts the same as our children,
those we love and adore…they too are our own flesh and blood…
Yesterday, we lost 17 more of our children…
we gave them over without even knowing when we woke up
in the morning,
we thought it was an ordinary day…
Trauma is often difficult to sort out…
there are stages and warnings
there is loneliness and rage…
Don’t be alone,
sit with a friend,
cry your tears…
drink lots of water…
watch your body for signs of ” too much”
find a road that leads you nowhere and walk it..
swim in a pool,
water is soothing to the broken heart.
Hold yourself gently and with compassion..
Beauty,
Rev. Donna Knutson
life: acoustic & amplified 